#51 2009-06-25 23:42:16

You know who's the happiest with the deaths of MJ and Farrah today?  Mark Sanford.

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#52 2009-06-25 23:52:33

The sky got all weird, and it's getting freaky and stormy.

Coincidence?

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#54 2009-06-26 08:03:42

There is just too much focus in this culture on dead white guys. Our children need a different sort of exposure.

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#55 2009-06-26 08:07:40

Wait, Michael Jackson died?

When was this?

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#56 2009-06-26 08:12:21

sofaking wrote:

He had a sad life.

Mr. Sofie's dad, Don (insert Mr. Sofie's last name), was his agent at William Morris back when he was with the Jackson 5 (he was fired when Michael went out on his own.).

Mr. Sofie, his 2 sisters and his brother went roller skating with them in the '70s, and it was sad. Like as in "bought friends" kind of sad.

In case you think I'm kidding.

Thanks.

I've added a new push-pin on the "Ptah's places to visit!" map!

Do you stock a lot of good tequila, or should I bring my own?

Do you prefer 'shrooms or L?

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#57 2009-06-26 10:50:35

ptah13 wrote:

sofaking wrote:

He had a sad life.

Mr. Sofie's dad, Don (insert Mr. Sofie's last name), was his agent at William Morris back when he was with the Jackson 5 (he was fired when Michael went out on his own.).

Mr. Sofie, his 2 sisters and his brother went roller skating with them in the '70s, and it was sad. Like as in "bought friends" kind of sad.

In case you think I'm kidding.

Thanks.

I've added a new push-pin on the "Ptah's places to visit!" map!

Do you stock a lot of good tequila, or should I bring my own?

Do you prefer 'shrooms or L?

Not so big on alcohol. Mah kidneys are FUCKED!

'Shrooms are always nice.

If you read the excerpt from Jerry Heller's book, he represented all the people you hippies loved so much in the 60's. In the '70s and '80s he switched to R&B and rap. In the '90s, he repped Gladys Knight (she's a Mormon now, and lives about 3 miles from us) and Ray Charles. He is very old now, and retired.

He also cannot stand rock music. Or any music. Or his kids. Or anything.

He's a complete prick.

If I had to pick between meeting some famous people and getting good concert tickets, and having a dad that was around and gave a shit, guess what I'd pick?

There's a reason Harold and Maude is my favorite movie. I had my work cut out for me when I paired up with Mr. Sofie.

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#58 2009-06-26 11:27:43

Murder Was the Case...

With apologies to Snoop and Dre.

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#59 2009-06-26 11:49:01

I, for one, am looking forward to the day the autopsy findings are leaked.  I want to read all about the multiple plastic surgeries.  After that I will completely lose interest in this story.

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#60 2009-06-26 13:18:39

sofaking wrote:

ptah13 wrote:

sofaking wrote:

He had a sad life.

Mr. Sofie's dad, Don (insert Mr. Sofie's last name), was his agent at William Morris back when he was with the Jackson 5 (he was fired when Michael went out on his own.).

Mr. Sofie, his 2 sisters and his brother went roller skating with them in the '70s, and it was sad. Like as in "bought friends" kind of sad.

In case you think I'm kidding.

Thanks.

I've added a new push-pin on the "Ptah's places to visit!" map!

Do you stock a lot of good tequila, or should I bring my own?

Do you prefer 'shrooms or L?

Not so big on alcohol. Mah kidneys are FUCKED!

'Shrooms are always nice.

If you read the excerpt from Jerry Heller's book, he represented all the people you hippies loved so much in the 60's. In the '70s and '80s he switched to R&B and rap. In the '90s, he repped Gladys Knight (she's a Mormon now, and lives about 3 miles from us) and Ray Charles. He is very old now, and retired.

He also cannot stand rock music. Or any music. Or his kids. Or anything.

He's a complete prick.

If I had to pick between meeting some famous people and getting good concert tickets, and having a dad that was around and gave a shit, guess what I'd pick?

There's a reason Harold and Maude is my favorite movie. I had my work cut out for me when I paired up with Mr. Sofie.

Are you saying that Mr Sofie is only about 17 years old?

That's so.... hawt!

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#61 2009-06-26 13:20:47

Scotty wrote:

Murder Was the Case...

With apologies to Snoop and Dre.

I'm sure Obama had him taken out.

(to take attention away from cap-n-trade and card-check voting going on today)




I'm only kidding, you fuckers. I don't do politics anymore.

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#62 2009-06-26 14:01:56

MJ died of food poisoning, not cardiac arrest. Minutes before his death he had ingested a 9 year old weiner.

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#63 2009-06-26 14:16:31

orangeplus wrote:

MJ died of food poisoning, not cardiac arrest. Minutes before his death he had ingested a 9 year old weiner.

Don't make those jokes over here in the East Bay.  The black community was really upset last night.  My white, quadriplegic friend made a Michael Jackson joke, and didn’t want to go back into the bar because of the hostility. I was hated for arguing Elvis was just as big.

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#64 2009-06-26 14:20:54

ptah13 wrote:

sofaking wrote:

ptah13 wrote:


Thanks.

I've added a new push-pin on the "Ptah's places to visit!" map!

Do you stock a lot of good tequila, or should I bring my own?

Do you prefer 'shrooms or L?

Not so big on alcohol. Mah kidneys are FUCKED!

'Shrooms are always nice.

If you read the excerpt from Jerry Heller's book, he represented all the people you hippies loved so much in the 60's. In the '70s and '80s he switched to R&B and rap. In the '90s, he repped Gladys Knight (she's a Mormon now, and lives about 3 miles from us) and Ray Charles. He is very old now, and retired.

He also cannot stand rock music. Or any music. Or his kids. Or anything.

He's a complete prick.

If I had to pick between meeting some famous people and getting good concert tickets, and having a dad that was around and gave a shit, guess what I'd pick?

There's a reason Harold and Maude is my favorite movie. I had my work cut out for me when I paired up with Mr. Sofie.

Are you saying that Mr Sofie is only about 17 years old?

That's so.... hawt!

Uh, no. 37. And I'm not 80, either.

But we were together when we were pretty much kids. I had to finish raising him (and I don't mean that as patronizing as it sounds like). He came from a fucked up family. I'm a fucked-up human being that comes from a great family, and he's a good person who came from a fucked-up family.

It all evens out.

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#65 2009-06-26 14:45:04

orangeplus wrote:

MJ died of food poisoning, not cardiac arrest. Minutes before his death he had ingested a 9 year old weiner.

*jaw drops*

Good one.

Poor Conan O'Brien is fucked on this one. So many jokes, and no chance in hell the network will let him say even one.

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#66 2009-06-26 14:55:55

Seriously though, I heard that Target stores are having a remembrance sale.  1/2 price off boys underwear

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#67 2009-06-26 15:00:36

When Farrah Fawcett got to heaven, and went through the pearly gates, she was greeted by God.

"Wow!" exclaimed the Holy Ghost. "We really enjoyed your work here. Especially Charlie's Angels! I still have a poster in my office of you with that red suit!"
... Read More
Farrah is a little taken aback. "Thank you, Lord."

Jehovah goes on, "Well, I have a special reward for you. I'm prepared to grant you one wish. Have anything in mind?"

Not one to act selfish and change God's opinion of her, Farrah thinks for a second and decides upon a wish. "I'd like for all the children of the world to be safe and sound forever."

"Done!"

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#69 2009-06-26 15:57:41

orangeplus wrote:

Seriously though, I heard that Target stores are having a remembrance sale.  1/2 price off boys underwear

it’s boy’s underwear half off. 

Farrah and Michael died on the same day.  She was into Majors and he was into minors.

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#70 2009-06-26 16:21:22

Wait!  Is That Ptah In The Back-Ground selling Icecream n Crack?

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/06/27/us/27gary.html?hpw

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#71 2009-06-26 16:21:43

Look, love you guys, but neither of you should quit your day jobs. Please.

Last edited by icangetyouatoe (2009-06-26 16:23:52)

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#72 2009-06-26 17:59:50

orangeplus wrote:

MJ died of food poisoning, not cardiac arrest. Minutes before his death he had ingested a 9 year old weiner.

I heard it as a food allergy and some 12 year old nuts.

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#73 2009-06-26 19:01:38

Will his organs continue to be donated to children?

Because he’s dead, they’re canceling all of his up-coming dates.  They were Billy(age 8) and Tommy(age 6)

What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and Disney films?
Disney films can still touch kids.

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#74 2009-06-26 20:06:36

phoQ wrote:

Will his organs continue to be donated to children?

Yeah, if you wanna get the kids high

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#75 2009-06-26 20:13:31

Jackson leaves library of ~100 unreleased songs behind

As with all limey news sites, the gold is in the comments:

Actually, I don't think michael will be showing JESUS how to moonwalk. I think michael will be bowing down to THE LORD JESUS, thanking him for giving him the talent to moonwalk in the first place.
michael, your talent was truly GOD given. Rest in peace, I can't believe you are gone.

CIL, London, United kingdom

Last edited by jesusluvspegging (2009-06-26 20:13:52)

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#76 2009-06-26 20:24:13

JOHN ROGERS and JAKE COYLE wrote:

The House of Representatives observed a moment of silence.

...the fuck?!

..You know, I've only just now realized that we're in for a shitton of collectable plates, coins, figurines, (God help us) musical figurines, velvet paintings, dildo cozies...and the purveyors will have a variety of faces to choose from, unlike the Elvis freaks, who only have two.

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#77 2009-06-26 20:26:04

George Orr wrote:

JOHN ROGERS and JAKE COYLE wrote:

The House of Representatives observed a moment of silence.

...the fuck?!

..You know, I've only just now realized that we're in for a shitton of collectable plates, coins, figurines, (God help us) musical figurines, velvet paintings, dildo cozies...and the purveyors will have a variety of faces to choose from, unlike the Elvis freaks, who only have two.

I'm sure the Franklin Mint is cranking them up as we speak. 

And ol' Ben is rolling in his grave.

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#78 2009-06-26 20:30:43

Due to the fact that Michael was 99% plastic, instead of being cremated, he'll be melted down and made into Legos -- so kids can play with him for a change.

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#79 2009-06-26 21:35:01

2008-03-14 07:23:01
Taint

"Michael Jackson: Does she or doesn't she?"

2008-08-25 12:21:19
pALEPHx

The term "off-color" is certainly going to take on new meaning in the next few months.

2008-11-07 05:39:04
scarydog

Michael Jackson wearing an abaya, a traditional women's veil and gown, holds the hand of a child in Manama, Bahrain.

2009-02-13 12:17:27
orangeplus

I curse your fucking name for posting this lame ass shit. Holy Shit! Michael Jackson got a fucking infection, STOP THE MOTHERFUCKING PRESSES!!!!!!!

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#80 2009-06-26 22:11:49

Jacko makes the news again and...HOLY FUCKING SHITBALLS!!!

edit: I'm positive Roger_That posted a request here for Jacko jokes but I can't find it.

Auto-edited on 2020-08-02 to update URLs

Last edited by choad (2009-06-26 22:13:33)

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#81 2009-06-26 22:39:29

http://picturesforsadchildren.com/blog/famous.png

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#82 2009-06-26 22:40:43

Ya know, this shit is really outstanding.  North Korea threatens to nuke us off the map (sure, they can't, but that's not the point,) Iraq is back to pre-surge violence just as the US completes the first phase of getting out, the Iranian revolution has failed and we can expect a far more belligerent mullahocracy than we have previously enjoyed, the economy is, fuck I have no idea of what the economy is anymore, and massive political arguments that will affect the next 30 years or more are being decided and the media is off mourning the loss of the mutant they had turned into a monster.

This is awesome. Who said the apocalypse would be serious? It's slapstick brother, from here till doomsday.

As I am typing this a parade of lesbian women of color brides are marching below my window. And no, I am not exaggerating, they're chants are so complex I can't follow them.

The media has to be loving it now. They have no idea how to do news anymore. They spend all this effort coming up with bullshit to fill the time with for 24 hours/channel/day. They've been having to talk about serious shit for the last few months, and they've looked like fools. They only know spectacle. This MJ shit must be like a comfy blanket on a winter's eve.

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#83 2009-06-26 22:44:13

Next group of marchers:

We're here!
We're Trannies!
We're Fabulous!
Don't Fuck With Us!

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#84 2009-06-26 23:05:05

From some Friday night NBC show around 1984 featuring some former SNL actors:

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#85 2009-06-26 23:11:14

orangeplus wrote:

As I am typing this a parade of lesbian women of color brides are marching below my window. And no, I am not exaggerating, they're chants are so complex I can't follow them.

Well, it IS Gay Pride Weekend in many cities.

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#86 2009-06-26 23:16:38

orangeplus wrote:

...and the media is off mourning the loss of the mutant they had turned into a monster.

This is awesome. Who said the apocalypse would be serious? It's slapstick brother, from here till doomsday.

I cannot improve on this block of text.  I can only applaud.

They have no idea how to do news anymore. They spend all this effort coming up with bullshit to fill the time with for 24 hours/channel/day. They've been having to talk about serious shit for the last few months, and they've looked like fools. They only know spectacle. This MJ shit must be like a comfy blanket on a winter's eve.

If I owned a hat, I would go and put it on so that I could doff it in your direction, sir.

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#87 2009-06-27 00:33:11

This morning, Google News listed about 12,000 articles each for Jackson and Iran. Right now, it's 20,000 MJ and 5000 Iran.

orange is right.

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#88 2009-06-27 00:38:37

orangeplus wrote:

This is awesome. Who said the apocalypse would be serious? It's slapstick brother, from here till doomsday.

I've sung in the same choir but I've heard this rant now once too many.

Think of an issue that means more to you than life itself and beat the living shit out it. You will focus attention on it. Fuck it sideways, we are the media now.

If I can do it, O+, so can you. For one thing, you're younger and smarter. Lucky for you, ugly doesn't count.

Last edited by choad (2009-06-27 00:39:48)

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#89 2009-06-27 01:09:06

Shit needs to get done and you have no business hearing about it!

Quit worrying about the silly world events. Pay no attention to what is going on with Iran, Korea, Iraq, the EU, your own congress. You can talk about that some other time.

Those things are unimportant when it comes to Michael!!!!

C'mon now, let's all remember where we were when MTV had the World Premiere Video showing of Thriller?

Me? The "Big Red Barn" skating rink. Yeah, you know it. I was wearing my red leather pants, with snaps (snapped, I looked like the cover of a "Loverboy" album, unsnapped, I looked like MC Hammer, although this was way before his time).

Man, there wasn't a person on the rink floor when they threw it up on the big projection screen in the skate cafe! Everyone was crowed around and they put the sound through the entire rink sound system.

Not that I was really into MJ. Sure, I owned the red and black "Thriller" jacket. It was a silk version, made by Sergio Valente, identical all but in material. Some dude in my school named "Moses" called me Michael Jacket. We ended up fighting about it. My claim was that I was really into the red-n-black thing and I purchased the jacket BEFORE Thriller came out. That's my story and I sticking to it.

I do have a picture, and someone on this board has seen it (and laughed hysterically) of myself in the pants, just not in the jacket.

Anyway, when you looked and dressed like I did, DURING THAT TIME, and your girlfriends' name is Candy, life is nothing but good!

Don't pay any attention to that silly TV. Look at the monkey! LOOK AT THE MONKEY!!!

Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed message board, I have one final thing I want you to consider. Ladies and gentlemen, THIS is Chewbacca (see below). Chewbacca is a Wookiee from the planet Kashyyyk. But Chewbacca lives on the planet Endor. Now think about it; that does not make sense!

http://listicles.thelmagazine.com/wp-content/upload/chewbaccasexualassault.jpg

Last edited by ptah13 (2009-06-27 01:10:27)

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#90 2009-06-27 05:25:08

I've been lurking since the days of Cruel, but the prospect of the shit you all are going to dump on the little dead white guy just MADE me have to sign up...PLEASE don't disappoint!

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#91 2009-06-27 05:49:00

Tall Paul wrote:

I've been lurking since the days of Cruel, but the prospect of the shit you all are going to dump on the little dead white guy just MADE me have to sign up...PLEASE don't disappoint!

That's available only to paying members (Just $59.95 for six months, or $18.95 per month). On the other hand, if you're hot and post nude photos of yourself that appeal to either the gay High Street residents or straight female residents, we'll give you the first two months free.

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#92 2009-06-27 09:38:38

AladdinSane wrote:

From some Friday night NBC show around 1984 featuring some former SNL actors:

Actually, Steve Martin is a very good dancer - the old vaudevillian 'triple threat'... check this video out, with the talented (late) Gregory Hines (the good stuff starts about a minute and a half in):

Last edited by whosasailorthen (2009-06-27 09:42:20)

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#94 2009-06-27 11:49:52

Oh, and Steve Martin was a physical comedian of absolute genius, as evidenced in those clips above.  (I say "was" because the man's somewhat geriatric at this point and I doubt he can make those moves any more.)

And that film he mentioned, Pennies From Heaven, is well worth seeing if you haven't; it wasn't what audiences were expecting from Comedy Guy Steve Martin and they stayed away in droves, but it's a very interesting film, like some dark dream.

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#95 2009-06-27 11:54:21

George Orr wrote:

Oh, and Steve Martin was a physical comedian of absolute genius, as evidenced in those clips above.  (I say "was" because the man's somewhat geriatric at this point and I doubt he can make those moves any more.)

And that film he mentioned, Pennies From Heaven, is well worth seeing if you haven't; it wasn't what audiences were expecting from Comedy Guy Steve Martin and they stayed away in droves, but it's a very interesting film, like some dark dream.

You know what else is just awesome about him?

He is a serious art collector, and he showed his collection at Bellagio about 5 years ago.

He could have been a total dick, and keet it to himself, but he was cool enough to share it with the public (for a small fee, to keep up the art museum).

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#96 2009-06-27 12:30:48

whosasailorthen wrote:

Actually, Steve Martin is a very good dancer - the old vaudevillian 'triple threat'... check this video out, with the talented (late) Gregory Hines (the good stuff starts about a minute and a half in):

Oh hell yes.

Thank you so very much, my good man of the sea. Sincerely, this made my week. I remember seeing this on tv, live! I'm a HUGE fan of both and had forgotten all about this until I read your post.

My very first "comic" album was a Steve Martin album (A Wild and Crazy Guy, featuring "King Tut") and I'll watch The Cotton Club just to watch Gregory Hines dance.

Yep, Steve acts, is funny as hell, can sing and dance and plays the hell out of a banjo (or guitar). What do you expect, he was born a poor black child.

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#97 2009-06-27 13:59:18

ptah13 wrote:

What do you expect, he was born a poor black child.

Just like--*gasp*--Michael Jackson!!!

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#98 2009-06-27 14:19:07

George Orr wrote:

ptah13 wrote:

What do you expect, he was born a poor black child.

Just like--*gasp*--Michael Jackson!!!

Hush your mouth, child. Michael Jackson was born as white as the purest snow.

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#99 2009-06-27 14:23:32

sofaking wrote:

He could have been a total dick, and keet it to himself, but he was cool enough to share it with the public (for a small fee, to keep up the art museum).

If you paid a not so small fee to see Steve Martin perform in the middle 70s, you KNOW he's a total dick, an easily distracted, wild & crazy prima donna, rivalling only Van Morrison for show stopping, onstage hissies. Martin hustled behind the studio sound stage as fast as his happy little feets could carry him.

Auto-edited on 2020-08-02 to update URLs

Last edited by choad (2009-06-28 09:00:29)

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#100 2009-06-27 16:09:44

A sage once wrote:

Permit me here to insist all actors are circus freaks rarely capable of managing more than the scripted lives they inhabit for the camera.

Again and again I learn this.

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