fnord wrote:

Should they be under furniture or outdoor living?

Garden Accessories.

GooberMcNutly wrote:

whosasailorthen wrote:

fnord wrote:

Should they be under furniture or outdoor living?

Garden Accessories.

I am still all for being buried out under the vegetable garden. At least Ill be useful for something. My idea of an ideal cemetery would be an orchard where every tree has a plaque on it with the name of the interred and that grows their favorite kind of fruit, with a fertilizer bonus. I figure that grave spacing and orchard spacing are about the same and trees could be grouped according to type. Once most trees have lived their lifespan, say 30-50 years, the body will be gone and the ground will be ready for a fresh internment. After all, who wants to hang out in the old marble collection other than goths, and they would be scared away by all of the flowers and sunlight. Who's ready to help me write the business plan?

Fuck that noise! I want to be stuffed and placed in a bar. I'll have roller skates on so people can dance with me. I'll also have a metal tube running from my mouth to my anoos so that people can do corpse shots (Banjo Shots) if they want to. Finally, both forearms would be extended 90 degrees from the body with palms up and fingers spread. The palms could be used as ashtray/drink holders and the spaces between my fingers could be used to hold pool sticks.

Underground or cremated? Not when I can hoot it up with the living.

phreddy wrote:

A: All our caskets are standard size and accommodate most people. However, if you mean a ‘larger’ person we have three (3) casket models that are built extra wide with four (4) extra inches of interior width. Please look at our Royal Star (2 versions) or the Regal Extra Wide.

Custom sizes just for the Wal-Mart customer.

Nah that is a niche industry all to itself


The Homestead model is a whopping 52" wide.

Last edited by Emmeran (2009-10-30 12:07:47)

phreddy wrote:

Emmeran wrote:

phreddy wrote:

Custom sizes just for the Wal-Mart customer.

Nah that is a niche industry all to itself


The Homestead model is a whopping 52" wide.

But these don't meet Wal-Mart's discount price point.  If you have a relative this large to bury, you're better off planting him along with the pickup truck you used to drive him to the hospital.

Gilbert Grape is one of the small collection of movies I have on my DVR....I love that flick

GooberMcNutly wrote:

My idea of an ideal cemetery would be an orchard where every tree has a plaque on it with the name of the interred and that grows their favorite kind of fruit, with a fertilizer bonus. I figure that grave spacing and orchard spacing are about the same and trees could be grouped according to type. Once most trees have lived their lifespan, say 30-50 years, the body will be gone and the ground will be ready for a fresh internment.

Actually, that's a lovely idea. I'm thinking I'd like to be freeze-dried and scattered but part of me - deep down inside - wants a fucking pyramid built in my honor and an army of slaves buried alive alongside me to tend to all my needs in the afterlife. I want wailing and weeping, ashes and hair shirts, and gnashing of teeth. In my heart of hearts, I want to cause as much difficulty and inconvenience to as many people as possible, just because...

Emmeran wrote:

Taint wrote:

Actually, that's a lovely idea. I'm thinking I'd like to be freeze-dried and scattered but part of me - deep down inside - wants a fucking pyramid built in my honor and an army of slaves buried alive alongside me to tend to all my needs in the afterlife. I want wailing and weeping, ashes and hair shirts, and gnashing of teeth. In my heart of hearts, I want to cause as much difficulty and inconvenience to as many people as possible, just because...

That's a good thought on the process but entirely too impersonal, you need to think it through a little further. 

For example I've stipulated that I'm to be green buried in a pine casket on a specific hilltop (which lacks roads); my brothers are to carry my casket and bury it by hand with specific items included.  These items include very, very good whiskey and very favorite books.

They get a very nice chunk of change for the deed and I get to have the last laugh....

I'll put a together a list of names of the people who are to be buried with me. You're right: it's the little touches that make these things so much more meaningful.

GooberMcNutly wrote:

I just can't understand casket pricing. Sure, the paint is shiny and the sateen lining is plush. But has anyone here ever looked under the edges of a casket? Mostly they are 22 gauge sheet steel with spot welded corners and chrome plated pot metal accessories.

That is just exactly the point: extract the maximum amount of profit out of the poor bereaved chumps. It's one of the reasons I didn't go into the business when I had the chance.

sofaking wrote:

About 4 years ago, I had a job to create a database program in MS Access for Palm Mortuary (we have a family friend who sells funerals there, and got me the project).

It was a database so they could sell the adjacent plots to recently deceased people's families.

While I was wading through the documents, I saw how much funeral products cost. It's outrageous.

I want to be cremated and thrown into the ocean, or to be set outside like a green burial.

Have you priced cremations lately? I recently paid 4k to have one done. And that does not include the boat charter.