High Street at Cruelery.com - The Web's Bitter Afterbirth / Suicide is painless

Taint · 2011-04-29 14:55:38

Except, of course, it isn't. I have spent the last few days helping to manage the fallout from a friend's suicide. Along with another friend, we spent a couple days sitting with the mother until her family and friends could arrive to comfort her, as well as breaking the news to and then comforting various others who were close to him. The cherry on top? I got to ID the body.

In one of those only-at-these-moment-moments, when I stepped into the room where my friend had done the deed, I found him hanging from a noose, wearing his favorite fetish gear (No, it wasn't an auto-asphyxiation gone awry - it was clearly and methodically planned. Scores of carefully typed, detailed notes and letters left about the house made that very clear). When I saw my friend's body, I thought: "Oh, ---." When I realized what he was wearing, I smiled. I know how much that particular get up meant to him.

The last few days have been an education. I've lost a friend but have connected with others in a way that only these moments can offer. I suppose I'll be drawing more lessons from this for years to come. Having nearly offed myself once several years ago, it's been a good lesson, too, in experiencing the fallout so intimately, and really seeing and understanding the damage that results, I'm glad I didn't leave the people who care for me, and for whom I care, with such a burden.

Still, despite our efforts over the days prior to his death, there was no chance of changing his mind. I saw all the evidence of that. I'm glad he's not in pain anymore; I wish I had been able to do something. Mostly, I'm just tired and a little annoyed with him, too.

Of course, all this has kept me from what truly matters: are William and Kate still together? Has the marriage been reduced to a facade of convenience? Do tell. Curious minds want to know.

Auto-edited on 2020-08-02 to update URLs

Last edited by Taint (2011-04-29 15:08:12)

GooberMcNutly · 2011-04-29 18:12:10

Furry?

MrCreosote · 2011-04-29 18:23:19

Taint, I'm truly sorry to hear this. I can't imagine the pain it must take to go through with suicide.

whosasailorthen · 2011-04-29 18:30:24

I'm guessing more lady-like.

Tall Paul · 2011-04-29 19:42:19

I'm truly sorry to hear about this, Taint. Such things always suck even if you never met the hangee.

My guess would be something with a more Finnish flavor.

Emmeran · 2011-04-29 20:08:17

I can't begin to imagine what it's like to have someone do that to you; please be safe when you go on that inevitible bender.

peco · 2011-04-29 21:03:55

Someone I went to school with committed suicide by auto-erotic asphyxiation. Glad I didn't have to explain it to his relatives.

choad · 2011-04-29 21:19:45

peco wrote:
Someone I went to school with committed suicide by auto-erotic asphyxiation. Glad I didn't have to explain it to his relatives.

That was usually listed as 'death by misadventure' when I was police reporter, a vulture in training. I'd tag along occasionally when next of kin were notified and I never heard a cop describe the cause of death.

Dmtdust · 2011-04-29 21:51:47

I was gonna smack you with a hat, but then I read your above missive. It totally sucks when someone you know about, care about top themselves. One of the things that always went through my mind is where did I fail this person. This is futile. Just have a good blowout, celebrate the brightness that your friend brought to your life, free them.

George Orr · 2011-04-29 23:35:15

I'm so sorry, Taint. I'm sorry your friend wanted to leave the world, when he obviously had a lot of people in his life. Also, what Emmeran said.

opsec · 2011-04-30 01:44:57

I'm sorry you had to be the point man on this one Taint. Death is tough and close up and unexpected is worse.

I'm unsure why suicide seems so much worse than death by any other means. I think of suicide as the ultimate human right. It seems selfish to the living, but the ability to end my own life should I want to is one of those things that keeps me appreciating my time here.

tl;dr - If tortured I want the cyanide capsule.

Also, now that I realize what "death by misadventure" means I have to rewrite my epitaph.

choad · 2011-05-01 11:45:06

Charles Ernest Precourt - 2010-05-13 Thu 12:26:17pm

My friend Ernie Precourt died Friday night. A letter carrier in this village, Ernie's not so random act of kindness many years ago is why I still have a pulse. Eleanor, his wife of 75 years, died in December. Ernie turned 100 in early April.

He lived on High Street.

Auto-edited on 2020-08-02 to update URLs

Last edited by choad (2011-05-01 11:58:04)

George Orr · 2011-05-01 12:04:04

I remember your mentioning this couple several times in the past, choad. You made them sound fascinating and wonderful. I am sorry you don't have them any more.

choad · 2011-05-01 13:11:06

Rex, one of a litter of mutts born in the home I live in, adopted a cousin's household up the street in the middle 50s.

Their kids were leaving the nest, though, and in time, Rex grew bored dozing by the door, waiting to lunch the letter carrier. That's how my friend Ernie met Rex, attached to his right calf.

Before long, Rex was punctually waiting at the top of the street at 7am and tailing Ernie the length of his route every work day. Rex didn't know from Sundays, though, and it got harder at quitting time to send him home. My cousin solved that problem by suggesting Rex earned his table scraps now and Ernie ought to keep him.

That mongrel mutt wandered everywhere and his demon spawn are still with us.

fnord · 2011-05-09 00:52:36

I just got back into town Taint, or I would have expressed my sympathy sooner. I hope you can soon put the worst aspects of this behind you.

Fled · 2011-05-09 07:40:19

I'm sorry to hear about your friend and the pain that has resulted. I admire the way you are dealing with your friend's suicide, Taint.

phreddy · 2011-05-09 12:26:34

Sorry to hear this Taint. Although I agree that suicide is a personal right and none of the public's business, I know from personal experience the devastation it can cause for those left behind. My uncle hanged himself many years ago and now all three of his children are fucked up beyond belief. Hopefully, your friend had no children. I also have a person in my extended family who is occasionally suicidal. Every time he reaches the edge, he has been able to bring himself back with counseling and consideration of the impact on his family and especially his son. Fortunately, most people can be helped by counseling, assuming they are otherwise healthy. I would never argue against suicide for a person who is suffering unbearable pain, or is terminally ill. Better to go out on your own terms.