#2 2009-04-08 21:22:50
Some choice bits
7. Not to profane His Name Lev. 22:32
9. To listen to the prophet speaking in His Name Deut. 18:15
10. Not to test the prophet unduly Deut. 6:16
14. To love converts Deut. 10:19
17. Not to embarrass others Lev. 19:17
18. Not to oppress the weak Ex. 22:21
19. Not to speak derogatorily of others Lev. 19:16
20. Not to take revenge Lev. 19:18
21. Not to bear a grudge Lev. 19:18
26. Not to blaspheme Ex. 22:27
31. Not to make human forms even for decorative purposes Ex. 20:20
37. Not to love the idolater Deut. 13:9
38. Not to cease hating the idolater Deut. 13:9
39. Not to save the idolater Deut. 13:9
43. Not to listen to a false prophet Deut. 13:4 *ahem* /me looks around uncomfortably
70. Men must not wear women's clothing Deut. 22:5
71. Women must not wear men's clothing Deut. 22:5
72. Not to tattoo the skin Lev. 19:28
73. Not to tear the skin in mourning Deut. 14:1
74. Not to make a bald spot in mourning Deut. 14:1
86. To circumcise all males on the eighth day after their birth Lev. 12:3 I'm still pissed about that one
122. To marry a wife by means of ketubah and kiddushin Deut. 22:13
123. Not to have sexual relations with women not thus married Deut. 23:18
124. Not to withhold food, clothing, and sexual relations from your wife Ex. 21:10
125. To have children with one's wife Gen. 1:28
126. To issue a divorce by means of a Get document Deut. 24:1
127. A man must not remarry his ex-wife after she has married someone else Deut. 24:4
128 To perform yibbum (marry the widow of one's childless brother) Deut. 25:5
129. To perform halizah (free the widow of one's childless brother from yibbum) Deut. 25:9
130. The widow must not remarry until the ties with her brother-in-law are removed (by halizah) Deut. 25:5
131. The court must fine one who sexually seduces a maiden Ex. 22:15-16
132. The rapist must marry the maiden (if she chooses) Deut. 22:29
133. He is never allowed to divorce her Deut. 22:29
138-154. no incest
154. A man must not have sexual relations with an animal Lev. 18:23
155. A woman must not have sexual relations with an animal Lev. 18:23
156. Not to have homosexual sexual relations among men Lev. 18:22
157. Not to have homosexual sexual relations with your father Lev. 18:7
158. Not to have homosexual sexual relations with your father's brother Lev. 18:14
159. Not to have sexual relations with someone else's wife Lev. 18:20
160. Not to have sexual relations with a menstrually impure woman Lev. 18:19 My "red wings" mean I go to the Jewhell, which is probably pretty awesome
167. Not to let a eunuch marry into the Jewish people Deut. 23:2
168. Not to offer to God any castrated male animals Lev. 22:24
176-203. Kosher laws.
234. Not to plant diverse seeds together Lev. 19:19
236. Not to crossbreed animals Lev. 19:19
The "I'm So Hungry" Laws:
280. Not to work the land during the seventh year Lev. 25:4
281. Not to work with trees to produce fruit during that year Lev. 25:4
282. Not to reap crops that grow wild that year in the normal manner Lev. 25:5
283. Not to gather grapes which grow wild that year in the normal way Lev. 25:5
284. To leave free all produce which grew in that year Ex. 23:11
285. To release all loans during the seventh year Deut. 15:2
286. Not to pressure or claim from the borrower Deut. 15:2
OH, MESUS! There's, like, still over three hundred of these. I quit. I FUCKING QUIT.
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#3 2009-04-08 21:35:20
I notice you provided the abridged version. Is there something you want to tell us?
Damn, they really don't want to leave anything chance. Kind of takes the fun out of it.
Not to have sexual relations with your mother Lev. 18:7
Not to have sexual relations with your father's wife Lev. 18:8
Not to have sexual relations with your sister Lev. 18:9
Not to have sexual relations with your father's wife's daughter Lev. 18:11
Not to have sexual relations with your son's daughter Lev. 18:10
Not to have sexual relations with your daughter Lev. 18:10
Not to have sexual relations with your daughter's daughter Lev. 18:10
Not to have sexual relations with a woman and her daughter Lev. 18:17
Not to have sexual relations with a woman and her son's daughter Lev. 18:17
Not to have sexual relations with a woman and her daughter's daughter Lev. 18:17
Not to have sexual relations with your father's sister Lev. 18:12
Not to have sexual relations with your mother's sister Lev. 18:13
Not to have sexual relations with your father's brother's wife Lev. 18:14
Not to have sexual relations with your son's wife Lev. 18:15
Not to have sexual relations with your brother's wife Lev. 18:16
Not to have sexual relations with your wife's sister Lev. 18:18
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#4 2009-04-08 21:37:56
I don't know what number it would be, but somewhere in Deuteronomy is the "Not to help your husband win a fight by grabbing his opponent's balls" rule.
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#5 2009-04-08 21:38:59
Of course, any set of old laws will have equally weird provisions, but I just get a chuckle trying to picture the case that brought about the law.
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#6 2009-04-08 21:44:45
610 Not to panic or retreat during battle...nice little insert to promote a degree of bravery.
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#7 2009-04-08 23:13:16
Damn. Things are so hard for you heterosexuals!
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#8 2009-04-08 23:17:09
Matthew 5:17
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#9 2009-04-09 00:47:34
pALEPHx wrote:
Damn. Things are so hard for you heterosexuals!
Indeed, things would be pretty easy for you...after the whole dying under a pile of rocks thing.
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#10 2009-04-09 06:32:41
I love #474:
#474 Not to rob openly Lev. 19:13
In other words, it is ok to rob in secret?
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#11 2009-04-09 09:43:52
ptah13 wrote:
I love #474:
#474 Not to rob openly Lev. 19:13
In other words, it is ok to rob in secret?
Eh, who's to know?
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#12 2009-04-09 14:44:34
ptah13 wrote:
I love #474:
#474 Not to rob openly Lev. 19:13
In other words, it is ok to rob in secret?
Isn't that the nature of being a jew?
Last edited by headkicker_girl (2009-04-09 14:56:12)
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#13 2009-04-09 18:07:33
headkicker_girl wrote:
Isn't that the nature of being a jew?
I like when someone nails it.
Last edited by MSG Tripps (2009-04-09 18:08:42)
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