I'll Be Your Tour Guide, Jesus.
Mary K. Baxter has been given a first person tour of hell by none other than Jesus Christ. Let's sample some of what is probably the worst summer vacation in history:
"Watch carefully," Jesus said, "for the Holy Spirit is revealing a great truth to you."
In the vision I saw terrible things happening on the earth. Evil was magnified and sin abounded. The forces of evil caused men to steal, to lie, to cheat, to hurt one another, to speak evil and to succumb to the lusts of the flesh. All kinds of evil were released upon the earth.
I said, "Jesus, this is awful to behold."
And now, I offer a prayer for the group to join in with me:
Prince Harry's not too wild about being dead, but he should be moderately pleased that the artist elected to depict his eternal repose with a full serving of bangers and mash in his pants.
Master orator and Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez talks about President Bush with the pinache and subtlety that are his trademarks.
My Loony Bun is Fine, Benny Lava
You need a bun to bite Benny Lava.
The Last Thing You See Before You Die
While there are exceptions, of course, to this rule, general experience indicates that "husky" girls -- those who are just a little on the heavy side -- are likely to be more even-tempered and efficient than their underweight sisters.
The good ole days.
Otherwise one of your teeth may explode, and a carrot will grow out of the top of your head.
Cruel.Com: Eleven Years as the Dark Humor Man
Exactly 4,200 days ago, I began Cruel Site of the Day, a demented parody of Cool Site of the Day and other award sites. I had just left an interactive TV startup in Denver that went broke the day our product launched and was starting my own web development company in Pekin, Illinois, a town outside of Peoria where the air smells like corn, marigolds and hopelessness.
In rock and roll, no one except other drummers can tell the difference between an excellent drummer and a terrible one. It’s a fact. Frankly, it doesn’t matter what he plays like because if your band were any good you’d already know a dozen unemployed drummers. In my neighborhood, I can put an open can of tuna on the stoop and have four out-of-work drummers at my door inside of an hour.
Hi y'all, I'm Katy-Ann, from Mississippi!
Did y'all know that vaccines are made from ABORTED FETUSES?
And that vaccines aren't responsible for diseases being eradicated, it's the ADOPTION OF CHRISTIAN HYGIENE PRACTICES?
And that the reason the heathen countries are so full of disease is that they AREN'T SAVED BY CHRIST?
There's plenty more I'd love to tell y'all. Like how Christian women shouldn't work outside the home, how evolution is a lie, and especially how the KING JAMES BIBLE is the ONLY WORD OF GOD.
But let's just start with my TRUTH on vaccines:
Not only do they murder babies, but they then mix that with animal parts, and poisons. When people mix together these kinds of potions in other countries, we automatically recognize them as witchcraft.
Jesus and love y'all!
Up for sale on eBay:
i am selling my life. i'm 31 year old female with an 8 year old daughter and a 4 year old daughter, and i'm on the verge of a complete breakdown. what you get is to put up with these two crazy, unruly kids, and a white trash dream for two days. i get to take the money you bid with and do something nice for myself like sit in a roach motel for a day or two and sleep peacefully. i'm bipolar, with major depression and borderline personality disorder, so you also get to take my meds. ; seroquel, effexor, and lexapro, although they don't seem to be working for me, they may work for you. SOMEONE PLEASE BID ON MY LIFE SO I CAN HAVE SOME PEACE. thank you.
Hey, Kids, Segregationist Comics!
Back in 1960, Judge George Wallace was able to tap Alabama's crucial voter demographics, racists and comic book fans, in one fell swoop.
Evangelist Ray Comfort helps Kirk Cameron see God using a single piece of fruit.
Man's Best Friend (with Benefits)
... A month ago, when Buble's father was sentenced to jail for attacking him with a crowbar—in part out of disgust with Buble's "lifestyle"—Buble sent a formal request to the judge. "I'd like my significant other to attend by my side if possible as she was present in the house during the attack, though not an eyewitness to it, thank goodness," Buble wrote. "I've been informed your personal permission is needed given that my wife is not human."
After a drunk tried to get into his girlfriend's house by climbing down the chimney and got stuck, News 25 wasn't going to let the story end there. Witness the heart-warming reunion of the drunk and his (presumably ex) girlfriend, replete with bottles to the face.