High Street at Cruelery.com - The Web's Bitter Afterbirth / Dying to get the pussy

Emmeran · 2008-01-07 15:38:04

Thinning the herd

I'm assuming the pussy didn't fare well either.

fortinbras · 2008-01-07 17:09:48

This thing only a 1/3rd full? Likely she was a fat bitch.

Bigcat · 2008-01-07 17:31:30

Nobody suspects her husband?? Come ON! How about a "Rush to Judgement"??

George Orr · 2008-01-07 17:56:20

Shit. I knew by the time I could get to High-Street one of you degenerates would have beaten me to posting this.

Goddamn firewall at work. Goddamn job.

P.S. I also hate that your title is way better than any I would've come up with.

priapism · 2008-01-07 18:33:35

Emmeran wrote:
...I'm assuming the pussy didn't fare well either.

Sounds like the pussy did just fine: "Detectives said it's likely she drowned and the kitten climbed out over her. " That is gold plated gold right there.

And for the love of god, someone please throw together one of those lolcat phrases for the kitten after he climbed out. I'm thinking something like "Oh hai, how u breath undrwtr liek dat???? k thnx bai!" or some such shit.

fnord · 2008-01-07 18:53:33

I’m calling shenanigans! This death doesn’t add up as an accident for the following reasons:

People who collect rainwater for their plants would never bring the heavy and dirty barrel inside

18.3 gallons (55gallons divided by 3) of water weighs just over 152#, a barrel with this much weight would not be in any danger of accidentally tipping over

Chaining it to a door so she couldn’t tip it over in order to empty it and breath makes no sense in light of the above

How do the police know the kitten fell in and then climbed out over the fat lady’s dead body, was the kitten wet when the police arrived on the scene?

I would have lowered a pair of jeans into the barrel. Anyone who has ever had a kitten knows a kitten would climb up that sucker in no time flat.

Last edited by fnord (2008-01-07 21:58:37)

pALEPHx · 2008-01-07 19:01:00

priapism wrote:
Sounds like the pussy did just fine: "Detectives said it's likely she drowned and the kitten climbed out over her." That is gold plated gold right there.

And for the love of god, someone please throw together one of those lolcat phrases for the kitten after he climbed out. I'm thinking something like "Oh hai, how u breath undrwtr liek dat???? k thnx bai!" or some such shit.

Y'kno, that was exactly what I was thinking, and I hadn't even scrolled down this thread yet.

Must. Photoshop. Now. (digging up 'source images' is gonna be rough, tho)

priapism · 2008-01-07 19:17:14

fnord wrote:
How do the police know the kitten fell in and then climbed out over the fat lady’s dead body, was the kitten wet when the police arrived on the scene?

They know because when they entered the house they saw this:

Dirckman · 2008-01-07 19:22:44

Thank God the kitty is safe!!!! Dirckman likes kitties...........

Taint · 2008-01-07 20:28:15

How tall was this woman? And if she was reaching in to grab the cat, wouldn't she have been able to push herself up with her arms? Will the husband keep the kitty? Or will he give it to his girlfriend?

Dmtdust · 2008-01-07 20:42:01

Dirckman wrote:
Thank God the kitty is safe!!!! Dirckman likes kitties...........

You'd fuck anything, right?

D

choad · 2008-01-07 20:54:39

This what you had in mind?

Yeah, after 3 years, still flogging the same lame joke.

Auto-edited on 2020-08-02 to update URLs

pALEPHx · 2008-01-07 21:44:11

Let us to be getting of the party started, aight?

People who drown in a few inches of water annoy me.

You know someone's going to say they saw it in a cartoon.

Frankly, I think most cats have it in for their owners anyway.

Maybe that kitten was fulfilling someone else's dying wish.

As with suicides, prepare to see copy-lolcat crimes.

I have proof that this trick has been around for a while.

And here it is. KTHXBAI.

Last edited by pALEPHx (2009-01-13 19:25:26)

Emmeran · 2008-01-07 22:38:50

fnord wrote:
I’m calling shenanigans! This death doesn’t add up as an accident for the following reasons:
People who collect rainwater for their plants would never bring the heavy and dirty barrel inside
18.3 gallons (55gallons divided by 3) of water weighs just over 152#, a barrel with this much weight would not be in any danger of accidentally tipping over
Chaining it to a door so she couldn’t tip it over in order to empty it and breath makes no sense in light of the above
How do the police know the kitten fell in and then climbed out over the fat lady’s dead body, was the kitten wet when the police arrived on the scene?
I would have lowered a pair of jeans into the barrel. Anyone who has ever had a kitten knows a kitten would climb up that sucker in no time flat.

Apparently you lack the faith in the stupidity of mankind that I have, this makes you a prime candidate to become a conspiracy theoracist. Let's be frank, most citizens of this fine planet of ours have trouble remembering that those pretty crayons are not for sniffing . . .