We had one in our neighborhood. He loved to burn down new unoccupied homes. I guess they love the thrill of the fire but don't want to hurt anyone. He was caught a few years ago but started up again as soon as he was released. Funny thing is, it took about five more new unoccupied houses being destroyed in our small town over the span of a couple of months before the cops went and talked to this guy . Great detective work.

BTW, he was a pissed off loner kid just out of high school.

+1 on the firefighter.  That's where I'd put my money.

Emmeran wrote:

Perhaps we can convince him to move to Detroit...

Happy to contribute matches and kerosene.

Yep, the arsonist turns out to be a fireman.

My armchair guess:  It's a literal pyromaniac--someone who gets off sexually from setting and watching fires.  He's young, maybe even below driving age.  He doesn't torch occupied structures because that would cause too much commotion/repercussions, but the fires get him off so he can't stop. 

This would explain why the cops haven't caught him yet...an older person would confide in someone at some point; a firefighter would arouse suspicion among his co-workers; but in my theory, a pubescent boy is keeping a shameful secret--he isn't telling anyone anything, and he's taking all the precautions he can think of to avoid being exposed.

You just remember to update this thread when he's caught, so we all know who turned out to be right.

I'm going with the radical neighborhood clean-up arsonist.

I've known two major arsonists, both of which did some major national news level shit.  They were both single moms, they were both short, left handed and too ugly too fuck.

Dirckman wrote:

I've known two major arsonists, both of which did some major national news level shit.  They were both single moms, they were both short, left handed and too ugly too fuck.

Thanks, Ill pass that on to the authorities. Unfortunately, except for being a south paw, that describes most of the porch monkey breeders on the Shore.

I don't like the "kid" angle. What kid, even sexually repressed, can keep a secret for that long? It doesn't cost much money, maybe 1/2 gallon of fuel, a pack of matches and a cigarette for a delayed fuse, but you have to be able to come and go at all hours and not be noticed. But buildings have been burned right on the main road and nobody has reported strange cars in the area.

I can't put it down to a neighborhood beautification process either. Some of the houses burned have been very historical including two built before the Revolution.

Perhaps this one will just keep working until they feel the job is done and go back underground for a while. They dropped out for nearly a month over the holidays. Maybe they work at WalMart and couldn't get the time off.

I'm keeping an eye on the story and if they catch them Ill be sure to let everyone know. When they do, I'm sure they won't get the usual lenient "20 years and all suspended except time served" that our judges usually hand out because we're too broke to feed people in jail.

I still think it is a community-conscious hipster who thinks he can improve the neighborhood by attracting metrosexuals and people who drive priuses.

The reason you can't catch him is because he burned some historic houses - not the normal MO for a regular hipster, but this hipster watches Bob Villa and he knows that historic houses are very expensive to renovate into metrosuxual apartments.

How will you catch him?  Go to starbucks and wait till some guy comes in with a singed beard.

It could be Goober himself roasting his weenie over an open flame, it's always the character you least suspect that turns out to be guilty. If his real name is Butler then I think we have this case solved.

I am humbled by your confidence, but I am a Monday Morning Quarterback on this one as I am currently residing 870 miles away. Plus, if I was to burn down houses I would be sure to leave lots of literature from the local Baptists or Acorn Office, or both, just to make sure everyone is feeling the love.

About the only thing I could do is fuck up your chicken supply, and there is very little I could do to that that Perdue or Mountaire hasn't already tried.

nfidelbastard wrote:

GooberMcNutly wrote:

Where I grew up on the Eastern Shore of Virginia, and where I still maintain a house, there has been a serial arsonist working in my county, Accomac, since November. In the last 3 months they have burned down more than 40 unoccupied structures, usually abandoned houses or barns, but sometimes just unoccupied houses. Often they have burned more than one in a night.

If this was the location this thread was about, it seems they've been arrested. Former Firefighter, girlfriend charged with arsons

No, No, NO video news - we don't come here to watch TV; we are, if you hadn't noticed, readers.

Damn - I'd bet they had hot sex after each and every fire.  Do think the dates of the fires could actually be tied to her ovary cycle?

Emmeran wrote:

Damn - I'd bet they had hot sex after each and every fire.

That's the first thing that ran through my head when they were caught. I thought they were just another couple out looking to get some nookie and maybe smoke a rock or crystal or two, but as the story developed, it seemed like more a Jack and Diane kind of thing.

BTW, pretty much every male over the age of 30 on the Shore is a "former firefighter" as the VFD and the VFW are the two biggest social clubs after the churches. Pretty much everyone I know has been a volunteer firefighter at one time or another.

So far I would have to say that Platymingo hit the nail closest on the head. One arsonist, one wheelman (who was a woman, but I refuse to say "wheelwoman"). Good job.

Now the media circus is really going to grind into motion. We have the Marcus Shale of ignorant rednecks that would love to give their learned opinions on TV, so I'm expecting hours of entertaining interviews with all of their high school classmates, coworkers, fellow parishoners and the like.