While in Munich I managed to snag a sign that was posted next to the toilet brush on the trade floor of the Allianz building, it said:  "Please be considerate of your co-workers"; with an arrow pointing to the toilet brush.

(to understand this you must be knowledgable of the design of the typical german toilet and it's poop ledge)

Last edited by Emmeran (2008-03-20 21:46:25)

Emmeran wrote:

While in Munich I managed to snag a sign that was posted next to the toilet brush on the trade floor of the Allianz building, it said:  "Please be considerate of your co-workers"; with an arrow pointing to the toilet brush.

(to understand this you must be knowledgable of the design of the typical german toilet and it's poop ledge)
http://homepage.mac.com/mes/iblog/B3373 … raphic.jpg
http://bp3.blogger.com/_gE_qOTiHddw/Rfn … toilet.JPG

Why the hell would there be a poop ledge?  I thought the Germans were super engineers or something...

The poop ledge is one of the great mysteries of the German people, and casts their claims of genetic superiority into doubt (to say the least).

No one has to answer this question--just ponder it in the privacy of your own tiny mind:

Is there anyone who, after completing that particular bodily function, does not turn around to inspect the results?

Maybe the Germans are more psychologically healthy (albeit ickier) than we are.

How To Take A Shit At Work.


Step 1. Assess The Poo
Poo comes in many forms, before you rush off to the restroom you must first determine what time of poo you will be purging from your system. Now, it is not recommended that you do a "first hand inspection" of your poo (because you might have to shake hands on your way to the restroom) there are certain signs to look for. retain all observation until Step 3.

Step 2. Walk Of Shame
As Murphy's law is always in affect, ergo, the bathroom will be on the other side of the office, and most likely, it will be by or near the bosses' office. For this, stealth is the key to the operation. most likely you've waited so long that your gluts are attempting the kind of muscle control Tibetan yogis obtain only after a lifetime of training. Unfortunately you've only had a few moments of practice before you've taken on the now arduous task of walking. this is the time in which the risk of gas leaks are at their peak. i other words, if you blow wind you will blow your cover.

1. stand at your desk, do not walk, just stand. this will give your body to acclimate to it's current condition while in a vertical state.

2. grab something from your desk (miscellaneous paperwork, a folder, etc.) that you can bring with you into the restroom. This will come in handy if someone sees you walking towards the bathroom, giving the appearance that you are on your way to any place other than the restroom

3. as you walk to the restroom nonchalantly look around, make sure no one witnesses you walking to the restroom

4. lightly apply pressure to the restroom door, if the handle does not turn there is a chance someone is in there. DO NOT KNOCK, this will give away not only your location, but your intentions as well. (Circle the office until you see or hear someone leave the restroom).

5. if the bathroom is available open the door quietly and enter, if there is a light do not turn it on until you are in and the door is closing. (this will make you harder to identify as you enter.)


Step 3. Poo Prep
At this point you are now locked away in the bathroom, but don't think you're out of the woods yet, after all, you still have a log to leave in the forest (Even I'm not happy about that last analogy).

1. Acquire your supplies. You will need to find a roll of toilet paper, this is usually found in a cabinet in the restroom. DO NOT USE THE TOILET PAPER IN THE DISPENSER UNLESS THERE IS NO OTHER CHOICE. from some reason toilet paper dispensers in offices are made from the noisiest material known to man, use of this instrument will be heard by any passersby and give a clear impression that you are indeed sculpting a clay finger in the bathroom. Stealth here is key in that it may later be a factor when you are leaving the restroom (there are eyes everywhere.)

2. recall the assessment you made of the poo from Step 1.

a. if there is a hot or churning sensation this will be a messy one, expect splashing, gurgling, and odor.
b. if there is a cramping or solid/heavy feeling, this will be a "Log Jammer," expect "residue."

jesusluvspegging wrote:

The poop ledge is one of the great mysteries of the German people, and casts their claims of genetic superiority into doubt (to say the least).

It is the splash they abhor.  The stench, the ugliness, the brown smear that lingers, the wee wriggling things that pop their little heads out and smile -- no, those things matter not.  It is the splash they fear most.

Dirckman wrote:

https://cruelery.com/uploads/thumbs/98_0315081337a1.jpg

Here's a bathroom sign I snapped a picture of with my phone this afternoon.....  I guess it's not that great, but it was taken at a gas station in an uber rural part of the state where obviously sunflower seeds and chew in the urinals runs rampant......

Chew and sunflower seeds seem a little more hygienic, no?

Auto-edited on 2020-08-02 to update URLs