#1 2009-05-21 23:24:53



A man had been feeling sick for several days. Finally he decided to try a
new doctor who had just moved into town.
After hearing the man's symptoms and listening to his belly with a
stethoscope the doctor told him that he had a tapeworm. "Oh, is that bad?
How can I get rid of it?" asked the man. "Come in tomorrow and bring a hard
boiled egg and a lemon cookie," said the doctor. When he saw a puzzled look
cross the man's face, the doctor said, "Trust me. I'm the doctor."
So, the next day the man brings in the hard boiled egg and the lemon
cookie. "Drop your pants, and bend over," says the doctor. "What?" says the
man. "Trust me. I'm the doctor," says the doctor. So, the man drops his
pants and bends over. SWOOSH! The doctor shoves the egg up his rear. "Whoa!
Hold on a minute, Jack!" screams the man. "Hold still and trust me. I'm the
doctor," says the doctor. About a minute later, SWOOSH! up goes the lemon
cookie. "Now pull up your pants and come back tomorrow with a hard boiled
egg and a lemon cookie," says the
doctor. As the infuriated man starts to protest the doctor says, "Trust me.
I'm the doctor."
So, the man comes in the next day and he brings the hard boiled egg and the
lemon cookie. "Drop your pants and bend over," says the doctor. "This
again?" yells the man. "Trust me. I'm the doctor," says the doctor. So, the
man drops his pants and bends over. SWOOSH! The doctor shoves the egg up
his rear. "Oh! I can't believe I'm doing this!" says the man. "Hold still
now and trust me. I'm the doctor," says the doctor. About a minute later,
SWOOSH! up goes the lemon cookie. "Now pull up your pants and come back
tomorrow with another hard boiled egg and another lemon cookie," says the
doctor. As the man starts to shake his head the doctor says, "Trust me. I'm
the doctor."
So, this goes on all week until one day, after the man pulls up his pants,
the doctor says, "Now come in tomorrow and bring a hard boiled egg and a
hammer." As the man turns pale the doctor says, "Trust me. I'm the doctor."
The man gets no sleep that night worried to death about what the hammer is
going to feel like when it gets shoved up in him. He almost stays home, but
he still feels sick. So far the treatments haven't helped and he's afraid
he'll have to start over if he goes to a new doctor.
The man comes in the next day and he brings the hard boiled egg and the
hammer. "Drop your pants and bend over," says the doctor. "But, why do we
need a hammer?" asks the man nervously. "Trust me. I'm the doctor," says
the doctor. The man drops his pants and bends over. SWOOSH! The doctor
shoves the egg up his rear. "Please!" says the man, terrified of what is to
come next. "Hold still and trust me. I'm the doctor," says the doctor.
About a minute later, the man is about to pass out from terror and he is
involuntarily clenching his rear as tight as he can. Then nothing happens.
Several more minutes pass and he starts to relax. The man is about to
straighten up and ask the doctor what happened when the tapeworm sticks its
head out his rear and yells, "Where's my lemon cookie?!"
And WHAM! Down comes the hammer.

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#2 2009-05-22 00:13:16

You won't believe me, but that used to be my mother's favorite joke.  I think I was 8 or 9 when I first heard it.  For years we'd snicker whenever we heard the words "lemon cookie."

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#3 2009-05-22 00:18:18

George Orr wrote:

You won't believe me, but that used to be my mother's favorite joke.  I think I was 8 or 9 when I first heard it.  For years we'd snicker whenever we heard the words "lemon cookie."

It's one of my favorites, too.

And it's a classic, because all I had to do was Google "Tapeworm" + "Lemon Cookie" + "Joke".

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#4 2009-05-22 00:23:41

https://cruelery.com/sidepic/arseeels.jpg

Auto-edited on 2020-08-02 to update URLs

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#5 2009-05-22 00:52:52

https://cruelery.com/img/tapeworms.jpg
Amazon approved.

Auto-edited on 2020-08-02 to update URLs

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#6 2009-05-22 00:55:18

George Orr wrote:

I think I was 8 or 9 when I first heard it.

Me, too but it had a different punch line. I'll consult my brother.

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#7 2009-05-22 01:38:06

https://cruelery.com/sidepic/wehavecookies.png

Auto-edited on 2020-08-02 to update URLs

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#8 2009-05-22 02:49:52

It's not a party until someone starts blasting ascaris out of his or her ass. 

That also describes the beginning of the end of my marriage.

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