#1 2012-01-10 08:26:26

I showed a friend recently how to pinky-finger trisect a banana, an old trick passed along by my grandfather, a onetime soda jerk. Unfortunately and unaccountably, I forgot the most important instruction. Never ever perform that stunt for your better half,  slowly, punctuated by occasional grunts and a shiteating leer. Because you'll sleep alone, that's why.

Same worry occurs to me when I watch the 'How To Shuck An Egg' video below.

Last edited by choad (2012-01-10 15:52:13)

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#2 2012-01-10 17:42:07

Reminded me of this one

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#3 2012-01-10 18:13:53

GooberMcNutly wrote:

Reminded me of this one

Fucking red neck hunters. Hunters are cowards. They really believe that they are noble and saving us non hunters from over population. Retards go out and sit in the woods and hide whilst wearing a goofy orange suit. I love it when they get lost and die of exposure or shoot each other. In Central Pa. you can't go into a bar or general store without some douche asking if you "gotcher buck pick out yet"

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#4 2012-01-10 18:53:38

Calm yourself, Bigcat. Hunters are people too, my friend. And often good people at that! For one thing they are often willing to trade large chunks of meat for small quantities of homebrew, and that alone makes them good people. All last winter I dined in style on a freezer full of venison that was given to me for free. This year I'm hoping to be forced to buy a chest freezer to accommodate the next load of tender and flavorsome meat that will dumped in my lap.

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#5 2012-01-10 18:56:48

I have something to dump in your lap.

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#6 2012-01-10 18:58:02

I'm with Bigscat.  Hunters suck...

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#7 2012-01-10 19:08:10

Bigcat wrote:

I have something to dump in your lap.

Take it to the Rule 34 thread.

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#8 2012-01-10 19:10:35

Roger_That wrote:

I'm with Bigscat.  Hunters suck...

I don't know about that.  I get incursions into my garden by huge pig-like game animals known as javalinas.  Apparently there aren't enough hunters in my area to kill and barbeque these creatures.  I don’t want to hang out with redneck hunter types, but many of the gardeners in my hippy-dippy community would appreciate having a few of them in the neighborhood for pest control.

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#9 2012-01-10 21:08:54

I don't mind hunters who eat what they kill (or give it away to be eaten).  Nobody's going to eat that coyote.

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#10 2012-01-10 22:51:36

George Orr wrote:

I don't mind hunters who eat what they kill (or give it away to be eaten).  Nobody's going to eat that coyote.

And that coyote won't kill but partially eat dogs and cats and horses. I would gladly wear that coyote.

I live 4 miles from an international airport where the HUGEST (number 2 and 3 anyway... number 1 is totally unlikely) fucking planes land. Coyotes disembowel horses between me and there and leave the horses to be put down after their quick snack. They're not afraid of people. They will eat your cats and dogs (and horses).

I know people who have had their horses disemboweled, but otherwise uneaten by coyotes.... Are you willing to spend the next ten years of your life tending to a horse with a colostomy bag?

Coyotes are vermin. Make coats.

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#11 2012-01-10 23:11:16

DupeOrNot wrote:

George Orr wrote:

I don't mind hunters who eat what they kill (or give it away to be eaten).  Nobody's going to eat that coyote.

And that coyote won't kill but partially eat dogs and cats and horses. I would gladly wear that coyote.

I live 4 miles from an international airport where the HUGEST (number 2 and 3 anyway... number 1 is totally unlikely) fucking planes land. Coyotes disembowel horses between me and there and leave the horses to be put down after their quick snack. They're not afraid of people. They will eat your cats and dogs (and horses).

I know people who have had their horses disemboweled, but otherwise uneaten by coyotes.... Are you willing to spend the next ten years of your life tending to a horse with a colostomy bag?

Coyotes are vermin. Make coats.

Can't quite agree with you there. I lost pets in Alaska to coyotes. Why? Because coyotes do what coyotes do and I was stupid enough to let the cats wander outside.

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#12 2012-01-10 23:33:47

I have nothing against hunting, I just despise "hunters".  What a bunch of brain dead, worthless, fucktarded, redneck twerps.  If I could run into one respectable person who had an IQ above 75 that engaged in the sport my opinions might be different.  I won't hold my breath.

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#13 2012-01-11 00:15:53

As a hunter, I also despise some "hunters" as Dirk sees them. But that doesn't mean that I have to be like them. I won't chase game with a truck or a 4 wheeler, I wont use bait or dogs, I don't kill anything I don't plan on eating and I only hunt wild animals in open territory during legal seasons using either a bow or a muzzle loader. But that's because I enjoy the hunt as much as I enjoy the organic, free range, low fat, high protein, high mineral meat that is butchered cleanly and processed safely. I can't say that about any of the meat that I see at the grocery store.

So, kitty Cat, unless you are a vegan, step off. Maybe you weren't born with the forward facing eyes, canine teeth and quick reflexes of a predator, but I was and I won't ignore my proper place in the circle of life.

When I lived in central PA I knew a lot of hunters of a lot of different types. Pennsylvania has some of the hardest hunting seasons I have ever encountered, and though I don't hunt there any more my property backs up on the gamelands. So I let well behaved hunters park in my yard during the season and wish them well on their endeavors.

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#14 2012-01-11 02:17:48

I also hunt, and agree, Goob. 

I'd MUCH rather eat an animal that spent its whole life in the wild, boffing (or getting boffed) by their peers, grazing on a free range and generally living as God intended... instead of eating an animal that spent its entire life in a pen, ate unnatural food and never even saw a bull, much less got boffed.

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#15 2012-01-11 03:43:48

The fact that my post about free venison was ignored or ridiculed is proof positive that few know just how good it is compared to expensive supermarket beef. If someone says they hunt, get to know them. If they say Ima hunner, don't.

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#16 2012-01-11 08:47:10

GooberMcNutly wrote:

As a hunter, I also despise some "hunters" as Dirk sees them. But that doesn't mean that I have to be like them. I won't chase game with a truck or a 4 wheeler, I wont use bait or dogs, I don't kill anything I don't plan on eating and I only hunt wild animals in open territory during legal seasons using either a bow or a muzzle loader. But that's because I enjoy the hunt as much as I enjoy the organic, free range, low fat, high protein, high mineral meat that is butchered cleanly and processed safely. I can't say that about any of the meat that I see at the grocery store.

So, kitty Cat, unless you are a vegan, step off. Maybe you weren't born with the forward facing eyes, canine teeth and quick reflexes of a predator, but I was and I won't ignore my proper place in the circle of life.

When I lived in central PA I knew a lot of hunters of a lot of different types. Pennsylvania has some of the hardest hunting seasons I have ever encountered, and though I don't hunt there any more my property backs up on the gamelands. So I let well behaved hunters park in my yard during the season and wish them well on their endeavors.

Fuck you"step off"-

I come home to these fuckers sitting on my porch resting from a "hard hunt". They block my fucking driveway with thier trucks and when confronted they think that a logical excuse is "we was huntin"

Can't go for a beer in July without hearing 20 assholes talk about the buck they saw 8 years ago in a field. The obsession is absolutely unhealthy. Example: You telling me to" step off"
because you feel the need to defend some orange hat wearing cockstain you don't even know, because he hunts.

Hard hunting season? You may not know this but hunting is not mandatory. These fuckwads hunt from thier heated trucks when the weather is bad.

And, if you think you have canine teeth, look again. You don't. you have blunt teeth made for grinding. You have weak assed fingernails instead of claws and if your quick predator reflexes were so great, you wouldn't need to hide in the woods with a gun while covered in deer pee. It is ridiculous and sad.

I'm not  a vegan, I can eat prime rib with the best of them. I am civilized and do things with my life besides brag and talk about hunting. If these assholes had any kind of balance then they would not be so presumptous to tell me they are saving me from overpopulation and if I don't hunt I am hurting the world.

In one breath they say they are saving the world from over crowding in the next they say " ain't no fuckin deer anymore, goddamn coyotes ate em all"

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#17 2012-01-11 08:48:19

Tall Paul wrote:

The fact that my post about free venison was ignored or ridiculed is proof positive that few know just how good it is compared to expensive supermarket beef. If someone says they hunt, get to know them. If they say Ima hunner, don't.

Sometimes you are ignored because you blather on just to see your lame assed thoughts in print.

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#18 2012-01-11 08:53:18

That dog won't hunt.

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#19 2012-01-11 10:10:21

BigCat, you might want to investigate to find out where nearly all the money for state conservation and wildlife funds comes from. 

Hint:  Hunting and fishing license fees fund more than 75% of all state fish and wildlife management programs, with less than 10% of state fish and wildlife budgets coming from taxpayer funds (which hunters also help provide).

Without hunting license sales the taxpayer would be saddled with a heck of a large bill.

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#20 2012-01-11 11:01:14

We, as humans at the top of the evolutionary pile, have a responsibility to act as stewards to the natural environment.

As our population grows, our environmental footprint expands, causing drastic changes to eco-systems. For instance animals that once predated deer have been driven from their habitats, such as wolves, leaving the deer population to grow unchecked. This could potentially cause the deer population to starve, suffer from disease & force encroachment in to human inhabited areas where they eat things not naturally in their diets, or get hit by cars among other things.

As responsible stewards of our environment, we are morally obligated to play the role of predator for these animals to prevent the potential ecological disasters that could befall these beautiful creatures.

some might argue that the proper way to counter this would be to reduce the environmental footprint of the human species. The only way to do that would be to control the population.

Bottom line is this, either you stop fucking or you start hunting.

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#21 2012-01-11 11:30:33

XregnaR wrote:

some might argue that the proper way to counter this would be to reduce the environmental footprint of the human species. The only way to do that would be to control the population.

Almost said this last night, when I was still annoyed you egg sucking cretins hijacked a perfectly good thread. We need to thin our own herd first.

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Last edited by choad (2012-01-11 19:16:40)

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#22 2012-01-11 11:45:39

whosasailorthen wrote:

BigCat, you might want to investigate to find out where nearly all the money for state conservation and wildlife funds comes from. 

Hint:  Hunting and fishing license fees fund more than 75% of all state fish and wildlife management programs, with less than 10% of state fish and wildlife budgets coming from taxpayer funds (which hunters also help provide).

Without hunting license sales the taxpayer would be saddled with a heck of a large bill.

I don't give a shit.  Most of the asshole hunters around here don't work because they won't accept a job that doesn't get the 1st day of buck season off. I end up paying for thier shit anyway. If you don't like the fact that I don't like hunters, go shoot yourself in a fucking hunting accident.

Most of the funding necessary for the wildlife management programs are required to police the god damn dirt bag hunters.

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#23 2012-01-11 11:58:59

Bigcat, does your hate of hunters/hunting extend to any other random cross section of humanity?  Because it should.  Hunters, just like any other cultural segment, have plenty of dirtbags, with a layer of 'decent' floating on the top.  Just like every other cultural segment you can imagine.

So basically pick some cultural segment you lump yourself into.  If you are not doing something to actively improve said segment, you are in fact one of the dirtbags.

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#24 2012-01-11 12:02:24

I do plenty to improve the segment. I don't allow people to hunt on my property anymore, I tell everyone I know that hunters are cowards, I shoot back when someone shoots towards my home. Good enough?

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#25 2012-01-11 12:03:30

No.

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#26 2012-01-11 12:06:56

Who the fuck asked you anyway?

I would never have guessed this site was full of red neck cowardly hunters.

Go hunt something and when you are done, go fuck yourself.

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#27 2012-01-11 12:09:20

You did.  Last sentence in your response.

I shoot free roaming neighborhood cats that stalk my birdfeeders. That's not hunting though, it's vermin eradication.

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#28 2012-01-11 12:18:22

Bigcat wrote:

Most of the funding necessary for the wildlife management programs are required
to police the god damn dirt bag hunters.

Fish & fucking wildlife departments are more or less the same coast to coast; tit jobs, life time employment, great bennies. What sets western PA apart is its lunatic population. The northeast kingdom in VT and parts of ME are worse, but they're smaller, more isolated and easier to ignore. The fuck is it out there, the water? I know you've given this some thought.

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#29 2012-01-11 15:22:16

So this all really boils down to Cat not being able to stand hearing other people talk about something they enjoy or be able to see people dressed other than he would have them dress. Boo fucking hoo. When you get elected Supreme Emperor of the Universe, feel free to ban it, but until then I'll say it again: step off. Take your whining over to some PETA board and stop parading your ignorance around here.

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#30 2012-01-11 15:22:50

I think it's the lack of ability cope with life in general. The power trip these yay-hoots derive from slaying an animal is addictive. If it were for the lean free range meat, then why is it so important to kill meat with big horns on it? It is almost entirely an escape from feelings of inadequacy. (the feeling are usually justified) " I have a tiny dick and I'm a premature ejaculator but I got me a buck with a huge rack" I have listened to countless guys trying to pick up ladies at the locakl watering hole by telling them about thier hunting escapades. It is laughable.

The good news is that while these D-bags are crowing about thier kill and sitting out in the woods all day, I have been bedding most of thier wives. Do you know how many of these cocksuckers don't even have sex with thier wives (or any other women) They just circle jerk all day.

Drink PBR
Hunt Deer
Beat Your Wife
Get a Big Screen TV
Upgrade to a Double Wide
Die Happy.

I gotta have more.

That is the only reason I can think of, I hope I didn't beat around the bush about my feeling concerning hunters. I don't want to be mistaken.
In Pa. You have Philly and Pittsburgh, everything in between is backwoods West Virginia.

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#31 2012-01-11 15:25:39

GooberMcNutly wrote:

So this all really boils down to Cat not being able to stand hearing other people talk about something they enjoy or be able to see people dressed other than he would have them dress. Boo fucking hoo. When you get elected Supreme Emperor of the Universe, feel free to ban it, but until then I'll say it again: step off. Take your whining over to some PETA board and stop parading your ignorance around here.

You are a douche Goober. I will take my shit where ever I please.
When did you get to be supreme authoritry on what topics I can talk about?

I will gladly meet you somewhere so we can discuss this like men and you can try to impose your manly will upon me.

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#32 2012-01-11 15:51:23

https://cruelery.com/img/fapping.jpg



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#33 2012-01-11 16:44:53

sniff You guys bring the water tony eye. I remember way back when you couldn't shake a stick around this place without raising this kind of vitriol and personal animosity

Thank you, thank you for giving an old man some glimpse of his misspent youth.

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#34 2012-01-11 17:03:01

It is sorta nostalgic.

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#35 2012-01-11 17:11:50

Dirckman wrote:

I have nothing against hunting, I just despise "hunters".  What a bunch of brain dead, worthless, fucktarded, redneck twerps.  If I could run into one respectable person who had an IQ above 75 that engaged in the sport my opinions might be different.  I won't hold my breath.

I agree 100%.

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#36 2012-01-11 17:17:57

You need to post the 89th and Amsterdam thing.

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#37 2012-01-11 18:05:26

Well Cat, I will admit that you do pass test #1. If I remove the word 'hunter' and replace it with 'nigger' your posts don't make much sense. On the other hand logic like 'some fill-in-the-blanks are douchebags therefore all fill-in-the-blanks are douchebags' doesn't impress many people. Be that as it may, go ahead and vent, it's one of things this place does best!

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#38 2012-01-11 18:41:41

Tall Paul wrote:

Well Cat, I will admit that you do pass test #1. If I remove the word 'hunter' and replace it with 'nigger' your posts don't make much sense. On the other hand logic like 'some fill-in-the-blanks are douchebags therefore all fill-in-the-blanks are douchebags' doesn't impress many people. Be that as it may, go ahead and vent, it's one of things this place does best!

You caught me. I was trying to impress you, Paulie.

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#39 2012-01-11 20:10:12

Bigcat wrote:

Tall Paul wrote:

Well Cat, I will admit that you do pass test #1. If I remove the word 'hunter' and replace it with 'nigger' your posts don't make much sense. On the other hand logic like 'some fill-in-the-blanks are douchebags therefore all fill-in-the-blanks are douchebags' doesn't impress many people. Be that as it may, go ahead and vent, it's one of things this place does best!

You caught me. I was trying to impress you, Paulie.

I've thought so for some time.

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#40 2012-01-11 21:07:10

Tall Paul wrote:

Bigcat wrote:

Tall Paul wrote:

Well Cat, I will admit that you do pass test #1. If I remove the word 'hunter' and replace it with 'nigger' your posts don't make much sense. On the other hand logic like 'some fill-in-the-blanks are douchebags therefore all fill-in-the-blanks are douchebags' doesn't impress many people. Be that as it may, go ahead and vent, it's one of things this place does best!

You caught me. I was trying to impress you, Paulie.

I've thought so for some time.

Are there wedding bells in the future, or is this going to be a quickie?

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#41 2012-01-11 22:01:19

fnord wrote:

Tall Paul wrote:

Bigcat wrote:


You caught me. I was trying to impress you, Paulie.

I've thought so for some time.

Are there wedding bells in the future, or is this going to be a quickie?

Clearly, we need a new Lurker, Zookeeper, or - what the hell was the name of that weird Canadian guy? We're starting to feed on ourselves to entirely unremarkable results.

OK, my fellow High Street residents, join me in this pledge: We will mercilessly attack the next n00b who darkens our doorway, hazing them until they either cry or become cynical and morose. One of us can assume the role of good cop but we must be united in this effort.

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#42 2012-01-11 22:06:43

Taint wrote:

fnord wrote:

Tall Paul wrote:


I've thought so for some time.

Are there wedding bells in the future, or is this going to be a quickie?

Clearly, we need a new Lurker, Zookeeper, or - what the hell was the name of that weird Canadian guy? We're starting to feed on ourselves to entirely unremarkable results.

OK, my fellow High Street residents, join me in this pledge: We will mercilessly attack the next n00b who darkens our doorway, hazing them until they either cry or become cynical and morose. One of us can assume the role of good cop but we must be united in this effort.

When did that not ever happen?

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#43 2012-01-11 22:08:33

Taint wrote:

OK, my fellow High Street residents, join me in this pledge: We will mercilessly attack the next n00b who darkens our doorway, hazing them until they either cry or become cynical and morose. One of us can assume the role of good cop but we must be united in this effort.

We seem to have honed our cruelty to the point where any newb who dares click "Submit" is so quickly and efficiently and thoroughly savaged that it never comes back again.

There may be some analogy here with those piranha we've all heard about, that get trapped in oxbow lakes and eat everything alive and wind up stripping straying cattle to the bone in seconds...and cannibalizing each other.

P.S.  I volunteer to be the kind, matronly encouraging one next time.

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#44 2012-01-11 22:11:15

George Orr wrote:

Taint wrote:

OK, my fellow High Street residents, join me in this pledge: We will mercilessly attack the next n00b who darkens our doorway, hazing them until they either cry or become cynical and morose. One of us can assume the role of good cop but we must be united in this effort.

We seem to have honed our cruelty to the point where any newb who dares click "Submit" is so quickly and efficiently and thoroughly savaged that it never comes back again.

There may be some analogy here with those piranha we've all heard about, that get trapped in oxbow lakes and eat everything alive and wind up stripping straying cattle to the bone in seconds...and cannibalizing each other.

P.S.  I volunteer to be the kind, matronly encouraging one next time.

D'oh!  Of course!  We forgot about Good Cop!

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#45 2012-01-11 22:19:21

This article from the (I can't believe it) New York Times pretty much sums up my feelings on the subject. And it's about Cat's back yard to boot. Poetic.

So, Cat, what do you do when you aren't fucking everyone else's wife and being too cool for school? I'm guessing Little Theater Director? Hair salon owner? Professional blogger?

You don't like Central PA and the kind of folks that live there? Help is right around the corner.

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#46 2012-01-11 22:24:30

GooberMcNutly wrote:

This article from the (I can't believe it) New York Times pretty much sums up my feelings on the subject. And it's about Cat's back yard to boot. Poetic.

So, Cat, what do you do when you aren't fucking everyone else's wife and being too cool for school? I'm guessing Little Theater Director? Hair salon owner? Professional blogger?

You don't like Central PA and the kind of folks that live there? Help is right around the corner.

No fair high-jacking this thread back to the subject with which the original thread was high-jacked.

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#47 2012-01-11 22:52:09

https://cruelery.com/uploads/18_you-dumbasses-made-a-mess-of-this-thread.jpg

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#48 2012-01-11 23:09:47

I think hunting would be cool, challenging and a truly respectable endeavor if it were truly a battle between man and beast.  Man has an unfair advantage with thousands of years worth of weaponry technology, unnatural camouflage, improved long distance vision with binoculars and scopes, etc. etc..  Take all of that out of the picture and drop man naked and defenseless into the wilderness to take down the beast and I would be impressed.  Animals would have home field advantage, along with in most cases, a better sense of smell, vision, and hearing.  Man would have the things that sets them apart from the beast, a large brain and opposable thumbs.  Let man with the knowledge of their prey build tools from items available in the natural environment and through planning, patience and determination take down their target.  Right now any thirteen year old girl can take down a large animal with the tools available.  There is no longer a challenge to it and hunting should not be considered a sport anymore than twirling a hula hoop or playing with Barbie dolls is a sport.  Next time I see a crazy eyed naked man drenched in blood dragging a wild animal carcass out of the woods I'll know hunting has become cool again.

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#49 2012-01-11 23:53:13

GooberMcNutly wrote:

This article from the (I can't believe it) New York Times pretty much sums up my feelings on the subject. And it's about Cat's back yard to boot. Poetic.

So, Cat, what do you do when you aren't fucking everyone else's wife and being too cool for school? I'm guessing Little Theater Director? Hair salon owner? Professional blogger?

You don't like Central PA and the kind of folks that live there? Help is right around the corner.

I'm not sure what point you are trying to make.

You win, I love hunters. I am going to start hunting as soon as the next season starts. Thanks for showing me the error of my ways.

I still would like to offer you the opportunity to tell me off face to face. I think then I may be able to help you understand what I do when I'm not fucking wives.

I don't need to stalk a small animal to assert my dominance over a shit head loser like you. I will just shit down your neck and call it a day.

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#50 2012-01-12 02:05:38

Bigcat wrote:

Thanks for showing me the error of my ways.

I still would like to offer you the opportunity to tell me off face to face. I think then I may be able to help you understand what I do when I'm not fucking wives.

http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lx78rwr5rG1r5q1hbo1_500.gif

Something like this?

Last edited by Tall Paul (2012-01-12 02:06:26)

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