Just put up a sign saying the pool is monitored 24/7, even if it's not. Sign should read "Will upload your skinny dipping, sexual antics, and general dampness to several porn sites. Have a nice swim."

Why not electrify the pool in such a way it can be easily and safely switched off before you use it?  I'm sure your good friends at the Home Depot or Lowe's would be more than glad to assist you in finding the needed items..........  I'm not talking about a deadly charge of electricity either, just enough to convince them to get out in a big hurry......  Think electric fence......

Last edited by Dirckman (2008-07-12 02:32:42)

Condoms? Big deal! I keep finding large intestine in my skimmer.

Last edited by Banjo (2008-07-12 09:28:12)

A pool alarm.  If you added a relay you could have it set off all kinds of things.  With a timer you could have lights that stay on for a while and turn on the LEDs on the fake cameras.  You could make it look like you'd gone over to the completely paranoid security at all costs crowd without spending too much.

Have you tried floating a few Baby Ruth's? It's cheap, easy and at the end of the day, you're rewarded with a tasty treat.

Johnny_Rotten wrote:

While I like the visceral appeal of Dirks idea, unless your pool is salt water it will not conduct enough current to be effective.

Actually, it is a salt water pool.  However I expect the cost of keeping it electrified would be prohibitive - nice as the idea sounds.  It would especially be fun to have an on/off remote.  That would make it more fun having to sit outside keeping an eye on my kids while they swim.

You could provide a box of condoms. Poke holes in them, In a few months the teens will have a lot more to occupy their every living moment then rutting in your pool.

NOW you're thinking!

Dmtdust wrote:

Totally off topic, except that it isn't: was that a Jello-mold of St. Paul's?

Dmtdust wrote:

That was disgusting.  From now on, I'll imagine little gremlins splashing and masturbating whenever I encounter Jell-O.

George Orr wrote:

Awright, Zooks, you have to promise that once you get the pool alarm set up, you keep us updated on who you catch in your pool and what you do to them.

I went out and got one today but unfortunately it was too sensitive.  It would sound when my pump turned on and started circulating the water.  Looking at the directions I found a place that said there might be problems if the pool has more than two returns (jets).  Mine has six and it's not all that big a pool.  So it was back to the pool store to get my money back.

I need a Rottweiler that has had its vocal cords removed...

Zookie, there are a number of alarm systems that would work as dirkman suggests. you could get any number of seperate sensors with adjustable sensetivity that is read by a processor. Depending on user programming it either sets off alarms or pages you. We use these all the time on ships for both remote monitoring or allerting the engineer onboard.

Zookeeper wrote:

Actually, it is a salt water pool.  However I expect the cost of keeping it electrified would be prohibitive - nice as the idea sounds.  It would especially be fun to have an on/off remote.  That would make it more fun having to sit outside keeping an eye on my kids while they swim.

Then it would work. I suspect it would provide only a mild to strong disconcerting tingle rather then the painful jolt of a bare wire. It would depend on how far you would be from the immersed end of the feed wire. Say within 6 to 10 feet for noticable effect.

Actually it would not use much wattage as long as it was not on 24/7. Electric fence controllers are current limited and pulsating. In normal operation they are insulated and current doesn't flow until touched. But they are designed for the inevitable continuous grounding when the wire breaks or wet plant growth wraps around the wire.

I would be very carefull though if you had bronze or stainless steel fittings in a concrete pool. The electrolosys could be a problem. A way around this would be to provide less noble and more active sacrificial anode ( a common boat zinc) connected by at least 8 guage coppper wire to a superior ground ( like a long copper stake). If this was between the feed wire and the pool fittings it would provide a superior path for most of the current. Although not for all of it.

I keep threatening to trot out a plain old toaster on about 25 feet of extension cord. The Fresh Air Fund what occupies my studios-only pool area has a strange number of offspring. If they wanna live five or six to a room, then power to them. They don't get to slink out on weekends and pretend to have the American dream, whatever the hell that is. They prevent others from using the pool, really. A former acquaintance called these beings "spiclets." While apt, if crude, it described the same way they screech and complain when they're at the school on the other side of my apartment (my own estimation was "They sound like they're being raped with curling irons"). I'm not sure why I have to deal with this phenomenon after the school year's over. It makes me wish I had no Spanish fluency.

pALEPHx wrote:

I keep threatening to trot out a plain old toaster on about 25 feet of extension cord. The Fresh Air Fund what occupies my studios-only pool area has a strange number of offspring. If they wanna live five or six to a room, then power to them. They don't get to slink out on weekends and pretend to have the American dream, whatever the hell that is. They prevent others from using the pool, really. A former acquaintance called these beings "spiclets." While apt, if crude, it described the same way they screech and complain when they're at the school on the other side of my apartment (my own estimation was "They sound like they're being raped with curling irons"). I'm not sure why I have to deal with this phenomenon after the school year's over. It makes me wish I had no Spanish fluency.

Circumstances are causing a breach of denial.  You really don’t like being near Hispanics, and it’s made worse by the fact you have something in common with them.  From past comments, I get the feeling you may be Sephardic, or if Ashkenazi, your family passed through Latin America on the way to the United States.