George Orr wrote:

"I Have a Harelip, a Club Foot, a Micropenis and Twenty Million Dollars.  Seeking Female for Mini-Golf and to Help Me Pop my Back Zits."

Some banners write themselves.

Anecdotal evidence suggests few males can type the word penis without flinching, please never mind scrotal sack. Make it Microchubby, or something.

We need a notorious Georgetown or capitol address to accompany this fraud.

Roger_That wrote:

HAHAH yeah, these are good so far.

I'd use the new BF's Georgetown address, but I'm sure you can see where I'd find that an unwise idea.  Maybe I should just use one of his neighbor's address.

Or what about:  Located on the corner of Wisconsin and Water street.

That ought to do it.

There's a hotel/club that squeals brahmin elite but for the life of me, I can't remember its name.

Wealthy capital hill type looking for women of all races to indulge my Princess Leia fantasy.  I have always wanted to have a harem of women of different ethnic backgrounds dressed like Princess Leia to indulge my golden shower fantasy.  Ideally there would be a white one, a black one, an asian one, an East Indian one and a middle eastern one.  You would all be dressed like Princess Leia in the famous slave girl scene.  (If you are not familiar with the scene, you are not right for this job).  Women must all be height and weight proportional.  No chubs, please.  You will be handsomely compensated for your services, and this may turn into a fairly regular job.  The job does not require and sexual contact.  Please send photo, height and weight for consideration.

I think you should include a serious need for pegging.  If only for Jesus sake.

Roger_That wrote:

Maybe then contrasting with an ad where the guy is very normal and a great catch, but is poor and has no car or something.

A gold digger experiment if you will.   So, 2 ads posted somewhat simultaneously to see which gets more responses.

I suggest that you make the "great catch" guy short.  I saw this piece on TV once where they set up a wonderful guy, really handsome, a doctor, nice to his mom etc., but he was only like 5'6" and when the women they were talking to found out he was short, they wanted nothing to do with him.  (Stupid cunts.)  So short and/or no car.

And maybe rich loser could have a body odor problem.  "It's a medical condition.  But as long as I bathe 4 times a day it's really not that noticeable, not really."  Work the word "sebum" into the text at least once.  Oh, and "glands."

Someone help me with the 'nice guy' one.

I just feel out of ideas on that one.

While browsing for material, I found this (in the Lima, Peru W4M section):

Ok, I hate these things. You put your best foot forward to the detriment of a possible relationships. Who really gets to know who you really are by a cute tagline and self flattering small talk. Honestly, I'm angry. In a constructive, change the world kind of way, not in a violent bitter manner towards others. I happen to be in a wheelchair, with cerebral palsy. I see the eyes lower, don't look at me like that. Life is beautiful!I write. I like poetry, sociological exploits, philosophical questioning, literature, indie music, photography, long conversations about the ultimate reality, kissing, coffee. Spontaneous. Free spirited. I'm a catch. When I "grow up" and graduate, I plan to help people by becoming a clinical social worker by day, while, at night, writing my poetry and avenging the death of my parents by fighting crime (just kidding). My match must be open-minded about feminism, The Vagina Monologues, the emergent church Christianity, the word cripple; they must be kind and necessarily should believe that AIDS is not a punishment from God. He must not be diagnosed with personality disorder. He must be straight. (If you're even questioning, please don't even talk to me.) He should know himself. No one expects someone who has no clue who they are to get into a relationship. Should use words like circuitous in conversation.

Holy Shitballs, Lima has some great ads!

sick of idiots: I'm looking for friends first, maybe more later. I would like someone who does NOT hurt me, one who is kind and loving. Please tell me about yourself in your e-mail. I also have a photo if you do. I hope to hear from you!

---


Hi...
I have a serious crush on the actor James Spader (that guy in Boston Legal, and a lot of other strange movies), so if you sound like him, or look like him. I'd love to hear from you.
What am I looking for? To be honest, I don't have clue. Maybe to get a fantasy fullfilled...
You should be a non smoker, DDF, able to carry on a conversation about various topics, and smell good...
I'm tall, strawberry blonde, full figured and funny (to most), caring, smart, and educated...
No picture, no reply....

---

seeking foxy magazine-bearing gringo - 35
Local expat in desperate need of bridal magazine and maybe some horseradish sauce from US, UK or maybe even Oz. Don't worry, it's not for me!

In exchange, I'll let you take me to diner or something.

I live in Lima but will be in Cuzco for the holidays.

---

Sunday - fireworks date - 24
we're tall brown haired blue eyed girls slim build with big boobs we do every thing together including our men! we are looking for a sexy man who can handle 2 as we only do things together! we like to have a laugh and shag the brains out of any fit guys who will allow to sexy girls to show them a good time, don't think we're slags we just like to experiment sexually!

---

whosasailorthen wrote:

Roger_That wrote:

Sunday - fireworks date - 24
we're tall brown haired blue eyed girls slim build with big boobs we do every thing together including our men! we are looking for a sexy man who can handle 2 as we only do things together! we like to have a laugh and shag the brains out of any fit guys who will allow to sexy girls to show them a good time, don't think we're slags we just like to experiment sexually!

I can haz plz?

Maybe one of the adventurous women of high-street can explain that one to me.  Most men can barely satisfy one woman (and I'm being generous with the use of the word "barely").  Why on earth would I want to share 1/2 of my lame sexual experience with another woman?

headkicker_girl wrote:

whosasailorthen wrote:

Roger_That wrote:

Sunday - fireworks date - 24
we're tall brown haired blue eyed girls slim build with big boobs we do every thing together including our men! we are looking for a sexy man who can handle 2 as we only do things together! we like to have a laugh and shag the brains out of any fit guys who will allow to sexy girls to show them a good time, don't think we're slags we just like to experiment sexually!

I can haz plz?

Maybe one of the adventurous women of high-street can explain that one to me.  Most men can barely satisfy one woman (and I'm being generous with the use of the word "barely").  Why on earth would I want to share 1/2 of my lame sexual experience with another woman?

Because y'all can do some of that scissor sexing while I peruse the Ren and Stimpy channel. Damn, is it that hard to make your man happy?

Dmtdust wrote:

headkicker_girl wrote:

Most men can barely satisfy one woman (and I'm being generous with the use of the word "barely").

I guess ample fore-play is not the rule in Chicago?

Are you generous with the word "ample", Dusty?

Roger_That wrote:

I happen to be in a wheelchair, with cerebral palsy. I see the eyes lower, don't look at me like that. . . .  My match must be open-minded about feminism, The Vagina Monologues, the emergent church Christianity . . .

Oh, sure, her problem is obviously the palsy.

Dmtdust wrote:

I guess ample fore-play is not the rule in Chicago?

You've only got one dick.  All the foreplay is the world isn't going to make it into two.

phreddy wrote:

headkicker_girl wrote:

Dmtdust wrote:

I guess ample fore-play is not the rule in Chicago?

You've only got one dick.  All the foreplay is the world isn't going to make it into two.

Well, of course we would expect the other woman to help out with the chores.

Exactly, so what's in it for the women, other than indulging a male fantasy?  If I wanted to have my bush muched by a chick I certainly don't need a guy in the room.

headkicker_girl wrote:

Dmtdust wrote:

I guess ample fore-play is not the rule in Chicago?

You've only got one dick.  All the foreplay is the world isn't going to make it into two.

That's why god gave us a tongue and two hands (and rechargeable batteries). Imagine what an ambidextrous Gene Simmons could accomplish?

headkicker_girl wrote:

Dmtdust wrote:

I guess ample fore-play is not the rule in Chicago?

You've only got one dick.  All the foreplay is the world isn't going to make it into two.

Hunters with single shot guns need not apply?

Dmtdust wrote:

headkicker_girl wrote:

Dmtdust wrote:

I guess ample fore-play is not the rule in Chicago?

You've only got one dick.  All the foreplay is the world isn't going to make it into two.

So you like multiple male partners simultaneously?  I have met a few ladies like that...

Nothing like a little DP for the HKG....

Can I film it?

headkicker_girl wrote:

Dmtdust wrote:

headkicker_girl wrote:

You've only got one dick.  All the foreplay is the world isn't going to make it into two.

So you like multiple male partners simultaneously?  I have met a few ladies like that...

My tastes are rather vanilla...just one at a time that knows what he's doing.  One wouldn't think that was too much to ask for.

"You've only got one dick.  All the foreplay is the world isn't going to make it into two."

Then what the heck did you mean by this then?  Throwing a monkey wrench or what?

D

headkicker_girl wrote:

Dmtdust wrote:

headkicker_girl wrote:

My tastes are rather vanilla...just one at a time that knows what he's doing.  One wouldn't think that was too much to ask for.

"You've only got one dick.  All the foreplay is the world isn't going to make it into two."

Then what the heck did you mean by this then?  Throwing a monkey wrench or what?

D

No, my point is that if you have two women and one dick, one woman will more than likely be getting the short end of the stick, literally.

Well, it is all down to pacing really.   And, usually in those scenarios, teh' ladies are enjoying each other as well, or at least that was how I remember it....

Never tried it.  I am sure it can be useful, but inner discipline can work a charm..

You people totally hijacked the point of this thread.

Assholes.

ptah13 wrote:

Roger_That wrote:

You people totally hijacked the point of this thread.

Assholes.

Don't blame us.

If HKG would have simply said, "oh yeah I do love that girl on girl action" and left it be, the whole thing would have been dropped but, no, oh no, she had to fuck it all up by showing the hand to the whole idea of her and in menage of any sort.

Fuck, what do you expect? The guys of high-street, seeing their HKG-related 3-way fantasies flying out the window, had to be allowed to protest and state their respective cases. It is well stated, in The Rules, that we be allowed at least 2 protests each and a rebuttal when resident board members shut down the prospect of girl-on-girl action. In most instances, it is also acceptable to post pictures of your penis and your girlfriends boobs in your rebuttal (if you don't believe me, ask Dirk).

Is this your first message board or what? (yes, of course that was rhetorical)

You'll never visit the Royalle Puck-Star again, Bad Ptah!

Roger_That wrote:

You people totally hijacked the point of this thread.

Assholes.

That is a predickable given. So where were we?

Post anything yet from your suite at the Hey-Ad-ams?