Had we gone to trial, we had ready an expert from the Masters and Johnson Institute who was going to testify that in 30 years of research on masturbation the institute had never found one person who masturbated with his or her nondominant hand.

Bullshit.  One hand rubs the shaft, and the other strokes the head.  I think Masters and Johnson had their thumbs up their ass.

Makes no sense: I can work my dick left-handed; a mouse, I cannot.

I always thought it was shitty that his career was destroyed because he did something every single male on earth does. It's not like he was doing it in the library--porn is designed to make people masturbate. Now, if you'll excuse me...