I'm not sure how you should respond to the email, but if God does any infilling with you, make sure he wears a condom. The last thing you need now is another kid.

Hey Taint.

If you bet on people being stupid, you may not get rich, for what it is worth, you will not lose.

Last edited by MSG Tripps (2007-11-12 15:07:27)

I found this on another site I frequent for entertainment. The site itself is pretty lame but I love to read all the ridiculous ramblings of the fundamentalists. Here is a link to the site "Fundies Say the Darndest Things"

http://www.fstdt.com/

I like this one. But mostly I  want to know how this person knows what the "stench of burning souls" actually smells like?  Fear tactics are pathetic and often used by those too unintellegent to fight with substance.


"As you leave your body — you realize something is happening. You hear a sound. . . getting louder and louder. . . screaming . . .weeping. . . wailing. Terror and fear beyond anything you could imagine overtakes you. "This can’t be happening!" you scream. Your nostrils are filling with the awful stench of burning souls. Your face ignites from the heat. Flames are now blazing from your eyes, nostrils, ears, mouth — every opening in your body, flames are roaring out. Your body is sizzling and crackling from the flames.

Your body is now madly thrashing and convulsing from the horrible pain. "Why don’t I die?", you scream. You begin weeping and gnashing your teeth with the millions. "When will this pain stop?" But you know it will never stop. . .

The darkness is so terrifying, it begins engulfing you. You feel something moving in the darkness. . . something horrible is happening. "No! No! This can’t be happening" you scream — as your worm is emerging.

You begin cursing the day you were born. You scream — "Oh God, why didn’t you warn me?"— but you remember the preacher pleading with you to receive Jesus Christ. You remember reading that gospel tract. You cry — "God don’t you care?" — but you remember John 3:16 "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son,. . ." "God is a God of love — He won't allow this", you cry — but you remember John 3:36, ". . . he that believeth not the Son shall not see life; but the wrath of God abideth on him."
And you soon realize, that Jesus Christ was right!
There is a place called hell.

AND YOU ARE THERE — FOREVER!
"

Terry Watkins, The Truth About Hell  2007-Sep-28

whosasailorthen wrote:

Jesus Christ, right now that you fill me with the Holy Spirit. Holy Spirit come and live inside of me; put your hands in my hands; your feet in my feet; your mouth in my mouth...

Sounds kinda kinky to me. 

I'd respond to him asking if perhaps he can help with filling you with a little of that "Holy Sprit" stuff... tell him how aroused you are with the feeling of being 'truly filled' with that stuff... ask him if you can meet, so that perhaps he personally can show you how good it feels to be in 'holy communion'.  Use a light touch.. draw him in... he's got the bait, now just give a little tug to set the hook and slowly reel him in. 

Gee, this is fun.

I agree. Respond with that!

Evil is so much fun.

Feisty, who loves ya, baby?

lttlelindsey wrote:

I found this on another site I frequent for entertainment. The site itself is pretty lame but I love to read all the ridiculous ramblings of the fundamentalists. Here is a link to the site "Fundies Say the Darndest Things"

http://www.fstdt.com/

Hat.  I posted this within the past month.  Thanks for playing though.

Okay, so I've been slack about writing Mr. Crackpot back.  Mainly because my lawyer fell off of his roof ON HIS HEAD and lived, thank God.  However, he was pro boning me (just kidding.. I can only wish as I have been simply making good friends with my vibrator due to lack of time to find a good, single, disease free man to lay) and now he's kinda out for a few weeks.  Additionally, he's also a prof in my department, which means I've been teaching his class. 

Add to that all the other shit I've got going on, and it equals me, arriving in my office at two in the morning to rub elbows with the negro cleaning crew and continue working on my lesson plan for my 9 am class, since I've got the fucking flu and when I'm home the tempur pedic and my expensive vibrator are way too inviting.  So I figured I could get back to Mr. Crackpot as soon as my Monday class was finished and I had some time to breathe (and hopefully not cough my goddamned lungs up).

But then, I get this little gem:

Dear Charley,

We wish to thank you once again for your continuous support, commitment, faithfulness and loyality to this ministry. Our ministry (God`s Love Intercessory Ministry Inter. Inc.), is still young and requires alot of financial support, helpful comments and ideas from all our partners all over the World(Acts 4:32-37). We are looking forward to building our website soon, introducing various helpful features that will stimulate the growth of believers and convert unbelievers into this glorious life God Almighty had called us into; through Jesus Christ(Colossians 1:12-14). We admonish you to sow a seed-faith offering into this ministry as soon as you receive this message: by first praying over it, letting your heart believe it strongly that this is what God wants you to do at this particular season in order to bring financial abundance into your life, seeing your seed producing bountiful results immediately you `re sowing it, and then thank God that His Word is working for you as He says (Luke 6:38). We know that many times you might have sown without getting back in return; it is because these principles stated above haven`t be clearly explained to you. But do it today with a child-like heart that doesn`t doubt or have a enough sense to think "what about if it doesn`t work? or But if I don`t receive?"

May God bless His Word into your heart. Whatever amount of finance you desire to receive this year, shall come into your hands with overflow in Jesus Mighty Name; And you shall immediately remember the Man of God and his minsitry to bless him to the glory of God the Father!
Please, respond to this message immediately as we are always praying for you consistently in the Name of Jesus Christ of the Universe(John 14:12-14).

Use this information below to send us the seed-faith offering (Money) by Western Union Money Transfer(Since we don`t have online Bank Account for this yet):

Name of receiver: Charles Enagbonro
Destination: Amsterdam The Netherlands

Thanks for your invaluable contributions and God richly bless you!!!

Yours in the service of the LORD,
Charles Israel(The Man of God).
God`s Love Intercessory Ministry Int. Inc.
Tel: 0031 620 799 980, 0031 207 743 601.

So not only is he a crackpot Christian, but he's a crackpot money grubbing Christian!  Oh, it just gets better and better.  I'm working on my reply now, which will be posted when I get done.  Stay tuned, vaginas and penises.

By the way, the subject line was:
"THIS IS WHAT THE LORD, ALMIGHTY, WANTS YOU TO DO RIGHT NOW!!!!"

FOUR exclamation points!  And in ALL CAPS!  Can you believe it?  Now, that's what I call creating a sense of immediacy!

Well...it's okay as far as it goes...but I think you could jig the line a little harder without pulling the hook through his lip. Just to brainsturm eine kleine: Maybe tell him that you need help bringing your sexual urges in line with christ's teachings. (You still have urges, and it's difficult not to sin.) You could ask him, with apologies for the frankness, if there's a godly way to masturbate and use sex toys. You could ask him whether christian women should use tampons or pads. You could tell him that when you menstruate and have stomach cramps you think of christ's suffering on the cross. Is that sacreligious(sic)? Assure him that his wisdom is helping you change your life, thank him for doing God's work, and tell him you've included him in your prayers. Try not to be too articulate...crazy religious people aren't noted for good spelng and gramar.

Taint wrote:

"...crazy religious people aren't noted for good spelng and gramar."

Good god, can't you spell at all? It's "speling and grammer". Jeebus.

I stand cornected.

Great, Fiesty!!!! (plz note the 4 exclams)

I like how you're leading him on with the actress bit - like he might be latching onto some babe with major cash... very creative and a swinder like this clown is gonna suck on that bait.   However, I do think, (and I hate to say I'm ever in agreement with dear Wilbert) that  you might also want to play that honey-pot card you play so well, sweetheart...  how much your body yearns to feel the power of the Holy Spirit surging inside of you... to feel the strong hands of your Lord and Master on your soft white flesh... how you want so much to be on your knees before the Lord, and to serve Him and do His will.... (ahem)... well, you get the picture. (fap fap)

I am very sorry to hear you're not getting your turkey stuffed, though, kiddo.  Hey, if I were single and even remotely cose to you, I'd be proud to help you dress that little bird with some special relish for the holidays.

Fantastic suggestions, all of them.  I've been a bit wary of playing the sex card a little TOO hard (pun intended) for the first couple of emails.  I figured I'd start reeling him in once he starts having more personal communion with me.  And I chose the actress for screen gems for a bunch of reasons.... one, I live here, so the IP addys match up.  Two, has anybody ever seen what films/tv shows screen gems does?  It's all pre-teen porn, really.  Dawson's creek, One Tree Hill... you get the point.  Pretty, insipid people who do very little but sit around and look pretty.

I like the design a website for them thing... I might work that angle later.  I will lay it on a bit more thick and post it in it's finished format once it's been sent.

Total scam artist - although apparently a small-time one; more of a scam-dabbler.  Here is a beautiful note from him on a totally pathetic page that is itself a scamlet, http://hubpages.com/hub/www_oprahshow_com.  Some of the stories people have posted here, seeking donations, are crunchy.

Charles Enagbonro says:
2 months ago

MS. OPRAH WINFREYCHIEF EXECUTIVE OFFICERHARPO COMPANIES/MAGAZINE PUBLISHERUNITED STATES OF AMERICA. Dear Oprah Winfrey, It’s a pleasure writing you this letter knowing well that your consented effort toward it is guaranteed. My name is Charles Enagbonro, born in a town called Abudu in Edo state of Nigeria. I `m 29yrs of age and `ve been born-again as a Christian for over 23yrs, which has qualified me to be a citizen of ZION! I have a strong calling of God upon my life; being endowed with all the gift of Spirit. I `m presently residing in The Netherlands propagating the Gospel of Jesus Christ.Having taken a cursory look at life from every angle; seeing both from the spiritual, mental and physical, it is clear that all human beings believes but what they believe in are different. Most people have not been able to understand things from the spiritual realm which is far beyond assumption or feeling. With the spirit a Man or Woman KNOWS, and with mind He/She THINKS, and with the body- this has the senses as its voice; He/She FEELS. I must confess that I am the solution to the World problem and answer to its questions! I know that what you say is what you get: where your mouth goes, there your life will go! Similarly, I have been giving the “message of life” to the people of the World and to fulfill the DREAMS of one of my most respected aspirator (Martin Luther King Jr.): His quest for Unity and Equality is my pressing goal that must be attained with long life and prosperity. This is why I have started a ministry known as God’s Love Intercessory Ministry with the motto: Building the mindset of God in people! To fulfilling my calling, God has caused me to excel in the miraculous by healing the sick, cleansing lepers, raising dead and casting out devils in Jesus Mighty Name (Matthew 10:8). You may ask: is this Man another Jesus Christ? Of course yes! Because every Christian has this supernatural ability to do all Jesus Christ did and even more because all Authority has been given to us. You can read the Book of John 14:12 and Matthew 28:18-20 of the Holy Bible to confirm this. That’s why every human person ought to quit religion, and come into a relationship with God. God is not in the sense realm, mental realm but He is in the Spiritual realm. He is that Supernatural Force that comes to live in you when you believe in the Name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth- which is His Word made flesh and dwelt among us. With this, you become God yourself to the glory of God the Father. It makes one to have “I CAN DO” mentality in all things as expressed in the Book of Mark 9:23, Mark 11:23-24, Philippians 4:13 of the Holy Bible. Contextually, your organization has done a lot for this and other generation to come; watching your talk show that has brought transformation and industriousness to many lives, I must commend that God has dealt graciously with us by bringing you into our World. You are a museum of elegance; and your positive change upon lives can only be describe with dynamo and gold whose impact brings glory upon things they come in touch with.  To this end, I earnestly request for your financial support to aid this ministry accomplish its set goal by inculcating this message of life into all to enable them be masters over life circumstance and situation.I pray for you today that you will move from glory to glory: that these companies of yours will live forever; increasing and expanding in Jesus Mighty Name. Amen! I prophesy upon your life as the Lord’s prophet that by this time next year, you will be carrying twins’ baby children in your arms (boy & girl), with coordinative ability and wisdom more than yours- for it is expedient that we have biological siblings from you that will do greater things than yours in our next generation. Believe it because my prophetic Words are just like that of the Man of God Elisha to the Shunammite Woman in 2Kings 4:16.Thanks once again for giving recognition to my message and I look forward to your urgent response.Yours in Christ,Charles.Tel: 0031 612 025 691Email: godsloveinterc@yahoo.de

Roger_That wrote:

I TOLD YOU he was NIGERIAN:

My name is Charles Enagbonro, born in a town called Abudu in Edo state of Nigeria. I `m 29yrs of age and `ve been born-again as a Christian for over 23yrs, which has qualified me to be a citizen of ZION!

You know it!  Could we invite him to post here as our resident prophet for the next year? He could be promised some percentage of a nonexistant income earned by site visitors "clicking" on his prophesies about people featured in articles/films on the front page.  That way there would be some free original content, too.

I prophesy upon your life as the Lord’s prophet that by this time next year, you will be carrying twins’ baby children in your arms (boy & girl), with coordinative ability and wisdom more than yours- for it is expedient that we have biological siblings from you that will do greater things than yours in our next generation. Believe it because my prophetic Words are just like that of the Man of God Elisha to the Shunammite Woman in 2Kings 4:16.

Roger wrote:

Speaking of spammers...does anyone know where kathaksung has gone?

You should have done a search on High-Street as opposed to Google to see what Kathy is up to these days.

Auto-edited on 2020-08-02 to update URLs

Johnny Rotten wrote:

As for Fiesty's Xtian sheep in Nigerian wolves's clothing the only fun marginally worth the effort  would be to get him to spend money to send you something.

Or have him get a tattoo professing his undying love for sultry hot movie star looks. http://www.419eater.com/html/okorie.htm

That's my favorite all-time Nigerian scammer beat down.