Thank you Sofie.

I understand you are married or generally tied up with the baby daddy, but does this mean I have a chance?

Yours now and forever (or the bitch gets it!)

asdf

asdf1971 wrote:

Thank you Sofie.

I understand you are married or generally tied up with the baby daddy, but does this mean I have a chance?

Yours now and forever (or the bitch gets it!)

asdf

Never married. I rant about that institution plenty here, so I'll spare you.

I have been with babydaddy our entire adult life (going on 15 years).

Yes, you have a chance, if you find someone who accepts you unconditionally, even the evil parts. I knew it was love with Mr. Sofie when we were watching TV together and one of those "Feed the Children" exploitative infomercials came on, and he blurted out, "If they truly give a shit, why doesn't the cameraman shoo the flies off the dirty kid, and feed it his sammich?". Notice how nowadays they show the kiddies all cleaned up and taken care of? It took them years to figure that shit out.

That kind of perspective (IMHO) is essential for success, and we both had it, and appreciate it in each other.

You'd do fine to find your soul mate here. Most of the people here are successful (or striving for it), assertive, smart, funny, and honest about the reality of humanity. And the pics of everyone I have seen here are people of well-above average attractiveness. I would do every last one of 'em.

Sorry, Sofie. I'm not even ready for an unhealthy relationship.  Due to recent emotional scarring, my vulva has dried up & fallen off like a scab & thx to some passengers I picked up in a rice paddy, my back door is one-way only.  I'm spouting too much venom for oral to be an option.  And yet I am not willing to settle for a sexless relationship - I feel a stoma coming on.

Wow Sofie, you are so nice to say all that.  I actually have no desire to find a soulmate or any mate for that matter.  I have successfully reproduced, and spend most of my time and energy taking care of the crotch fruit and working to keep a roof over our heads.  I'm surrounded by friends in various stages of despair over their current on or off relationships, and all I want to do is slap them.  Snap out of it!

DoucheEllington wrote:

Sorry, Sofie. I'm not even ready for an unhealthy relationship.  Due to recent emotional scarring, my vulva has dried up & fallen off like a scab & thx to some passengers I picked up in a rice paddy, my back door is one-way only.  I'm spouting too much venom for oral to be an option.  And yet I am not willing to settle for a sexless relationship - I feel a stoma coming on.

Girl, you're gonna be okay.

Don't let one asshole determine your emotional state. He's gone. You're alive. You make me laugh my ass off, and I know from funny. That's the most beautiful gift one can have. Humor is a gift from the gods, and always attractive to (worthy) people.


Not to sound preachy, but right now is all we got at any given moment.

You can't "be" happy yesterday. You can't "be" happy tommorow. You decide whether you're happy in the now.

Are you happy now? No?

How about now? Still no?

What about now?

Soak your dried cootchie. You never know the moment you might wanna use it.

BTW - Hey, baby, what's yer sign? Not hitting on ya...just wondering where yer funny comes from.

If you want, message me with your birthdate, time, and place and I'll do your chart. Unless you're a serial murderer. I hate being the bearer of oogy news.

sofaking wrote:

DoucheEllington wrote:

Sorry, Sofie. I'm not even ready for an unhealthy relationship.  Due to recent emotional scarring, my vulva has dried up & fallen off like a scab & thx to some passengers I picked up in a rice paddy, my back door is one-way only.  I'm spouting too much venom for oral to be an option.  And yet I am not willing to settle for a sexless relationship - I feel a stoma coming on.

Girl, you're gonna be okay.

Are you happy now? No?

How about now? Still no?

What about now?

Soak your dried cootchie. You never know the moment you might wanna use it.

BTW - Hey, baby, what's yer sign? Not hitting on ya...just wondering where yer funny comes from.

If you want, message me with your birthdate, time, and place and I'll do your chart. Unless you're a serial murderer. I hate being the bearer of oogy news.

Aww, fanx.  It's all good, whether you're laughing at or with me (unless I'm injured and you're pouring salt in the wound at the same time)- picked up that attitude from some 'tards I worked with.  A few didn't have much "theory of mind," or else they had a different & perhaps in some ways superior one - when people laughed at them for doing some things retarded people do, they didn't react as if being laughed at was a bad thing, they'd just think it was "nice" or "happy" that someone was laughing.  "That's a funny joke!  Ha-ha, I am funny." 

I dunno - serial killer could be a not-so-bad thing, depending on your targeted population.  I just don't know if astrology is exacting enough to see whether I'd be sent off my rocker and into stealth murder by something (or someone) worth of that much effort.

At the moment, I am wearing reverse beer goggles.  Everyone looks worse, especially when I've been drinking.  Might have to self medicate with MDMA - perhaps that's what I'll use in the sitz bath while coochie-soaking.

And I have pHx to tell me I'm fat.  It kinda makes me hot.

DoucheEllington wrote:

Sorry, Sofie. I'm not even ready for an unhealthy relationship.  Due to recent emotional scarring, my vulva has dried up & fallen off like a scab & thx to some passengers I picked up in a rice paddy, my back door is one-way only.  I'm spouting too much venom for oral to be an option.  And yet I am not willing to settle for a sexless relationship - I feel a stoma coming on.

Did someone edit Douche's post?  Someone...someone like WCL?

This is the funniest post I've read by Douche yet....

Nice scolex!  Maybe they provide extra suction & texture; I prefer to avoid entanglements.



And others on the hweb face similar challenges:

the only way tapeworms can be sexually transmitted is by having anal sex with guy A who has tapeworms, then having oral sex with guy B (previously uninfected) without cleaning off your member.

You couldn't ingest them as a result of rimming or felching?
posted by biffa at 6:27 AM on December 1


well, yes, but only the really fast ones.
posted by quonsar at 6:29 AM on December 1

WilberCuntLicker wrote:

Poor Douchey. At least she has butt buddies.

Link to YouTube page

They're not really friends, they just use me for free meals and a place to stay - it's like being married, down to having someone crawling up your ass all the time.

E-Disharmony sounds all right; However, I've already found a dating service which fits my needs.

Decadence wrote:

E-Disharmony sounds all right; However, I've already found a dating service which fits my needs.

The Trenchcoat Mafia don't date. Their mortality rate is too high to get attached. Ever see Gus van Zant's terrorist treacle Elephant?