Emmeran wrote:

but he never tried to be a father,
did he ever truly exist?

In a sense, as a kind of negative:  what not to do if you want to be a good father.  My own was very good and I miss him a lot.

Whatever personal situation inspired this question, you have my sympathies.

I am a good father, perhaps a bit too lenient, but I am there.

I am at a loss, not sure how I should feel or what I do feel...

...he took off with a family friend when I was nine and became very wealthy.  I used to be angry but now it's more WTF?

He became wealthy?  Getcha lawyer and get him working on getting you a share.  You were abandoned.  That ain't right.

All sound advice, I think it would be best to allow the internal confusion to subside before I make any moves.  The second wife (family friend) is still alive and kicking, this naturally creates unwanted conflict.

Thanks yet again for your kind sentiments and clear thoughts; I'm not sure I feel anything or just feel guilty for not feeling anything.

opsec wrote:

You're ambivalent for good reason so fuck the demons of doubt and guilt.

Well said!

And of all places to hear it....

My condolences for the pain YOU feel.

Are you OK with who you are now?

I ask this because if you are, it is important to remember that every event in your life, shitty or joyful, is a causal factor in who you are today.  If you aren't, then use the situation as an example of how not to be.

I can't talk about feelings in this situation because I haven't reached it yet.  Based on the track record, I imagine it will actually be relief because that particular little dysfunctional corner will go dark, and I will be triumphant in knowing that I kicked his sorry ass at fatherhood.

Sounds like you are on the same track.  Hug your kids.  Maybe go do something fun with them if you can handle it.

I am going to go in the opposite direction on the lawyer thing.  If the old man "did the right thing" in the will, then so be it.  If he didn't, do you really want to continue dragging out emotional bullshit that will result in lawyers getting more money?  A bit like divorce really.

XregnaR wrote:

If the old man "did the right thing" in the will, then so be it.  If he didn't, do you really want to continue dragging out emotional bullshit that will result in lawyers getting more money?

choad wrote:

A lifetime's fuckery is toxic and not near worth any fortune. Money won't buy the nurture, affection, and approval you never got.

After a good drunk and an emotional outburst or two I'm in pretty much the same mind y'all are in; I really don't need anything and I really don't want to revisit anymore of the past than I need to.

Wow.   Quite the tale Peco.

I'd like to say I made all that shit up, but unfortunately, it's all true.

You can imagine how it unfolded...  growing up looking like an adopted kid... I look nothing like my brothers and sister.

Then I join the army, and my blood tests come back (you need to be typed - never know if you're going to get shot and need blood) different than what I was always told.  I asked the doc if it's possible to get this blood type with parents who are both the same type and the doc said no.  Hmmm.

So one time home on leave (I was about 19) I asked if I was adopted and she has a shitfit but says no.

About 10 years later, I acquired some of ye olde junk I left behind when I moved out 12 years before.  I guess someone either wanted me to know or fucked up.  In the couple boxes of teen crap I left, there was a baby box... a box with a bunch of that stuff that parents keep... the baby book, old report cards, that sort of stuff.  Anyway, the baby book and some of the really old stuff were for a kid with the same first name as me, a similar but different middle and a different last name... that's not so weird, but the same birthday??  Oops.

So I didn't ask about that... I figured I was on to something, and I started checking around.  Yes, I found out that the kid in those baby books was me before my name was legally changed when I was an infant.  How creepy is that?

A few years later, my "father" got liquored up and told my (half-)brother that I was adopted.  That brother forced my mother to come semi-clean.  She told me that another man was my father and gave me a picture and a name, but told me this long story about what an asshole he was, a crook, a layabout, good for nothing fuckstick.  So I let it slide.

In 2002, I happened to be bored, and pissing around on search engines and found the name of my father as a musician giving a concert somewhere I was going to be.  My wife and I thoguht we should go, so I took the liberty of telling my mother.  Mom hit the roof.  Guessing more was up than met the eye, I contacted the guy.

As it turns out, he's not a crook, was a successful musician and business man who owns a little bit of property and is an upstanding member of the community.  Seems my mother made all that shit up.   He, on the other hand, paints a less-than-beautiful picture of my mother that seems to be 100% accurate based on my growing up with the woman, so I am pretty convinced he's not shitting me.

Hard to have a real father-son relationship with the guy though.  We get along, but more as peers.  My mother stole any chance at a father-son relationship that there might have been.  And all her relatives basically backed her up on that.  If I believed in Hell, I could take some comfort in the belief they'll all go there, but I don't just I have to get by thinking of them as dicks.

As you can imagine, I have a few strong opinions about child custody and non-custodial parent rights.

My brother, who calculates the old man was at sea when he was conceived, also doesn't resemble the rest and has a mismatched blood type. Doubt he's had the courage to check but I'm past caring about fuckwit kin I can't please.

I got the bare minimum in food in and clothing but arguably the best public primary education available anywhere on the planet. On balance, no complaints.

Em, take the money and run if there is any. If there isn't any, then nothing from nothing leaves nothing. You seem to have grown up well, so maybe his not being around was for the best, so don't let the ghosts of the past mess with your head. Feel sorry for him, not for yourself.

Scotty wrote:

peco wrote:

That's it... the secret story of the life of Peco.

Is it true Canadia(e)n women lactate Molson?

Nope...labatt blue