My wife is quite the shenanigator. Once, while I was asleep, she dilated my urethra and put a bunch of live maggots in it. She filmed the whole prank and put it on the internet. Keeping my fingers crossed that it was never seen by anyone.

Next time you're in the car together, drive around in circles and pretend to be demented.  For maximum laughs keep it up as long as possible.  Let her in on the joke before she checks you in to the emergency room 'cause they won't believe it's a prank and you could spend 30 days in mental lockup.

Don't wash your crotch for a week.  Watch her face light up when she goes in for the deep throat.

If you're a gay man, put lipstick on your shorts and get a laugh out of your partner.

Tell her you lost your job and she's going to have to hustle on the streets.  Wait until she's dressed as a hooker then you and her friends spring the surprise party on her. 

Replace her emergency tampons she carries in her purse with cigars.  Be sure to write "gottcha" on them.

Find a cheap apartment to hold you over until she lets you back in to get your stuff.

3. stuff tissues or newspaper into his shoes so that he can’t get his feet in. Write “SURPRISE!” on each one — he’ll see the message as he pulls them out.

4. Save an empty juice or Gatorade bottle (grape or cranberry works best) and fill it with water. Add a few drops of food coloring so the water becomes the color of whatever juice was originally in the bottle. When he goes to have a glass, watch his face as he takes a sip — he will be expecting something sweet and get a bland surprise instead!

7. An oldie but goodie: Superglue a coin to the floor and watch as he scratches away to pick it up.

My undies are sopping.

And Scotty is right about the comments.

Now, if you really want to spice up a relationship, try a few of these:

choad wrote:

George Orr wrote:

My undies are sopping.

What happened to moist?

Moist is a long way back there, Choad. Vaginal wetness, as determined by state-of-the-art non-destructive laser-and-tongue quantitative vaginal moisture determination (QVMD) via gusset analysis, proceeds along the following scale:

THE QVMD SCALE

anhydrous
dessicate
arid
semi-arid
parched
stale
juiceless
dry

DEW POINT

---

dewy
humid
moist
wet
juicy
soaking
sopping
dripping

I hope that clears things up a little, Choad. To anticipate your next question, for panties that have been wet but allowed to dry, retro-analysis is viable based on a mixture of quantitative and qualitative metrics, but we'd have to get George to send the lovelies-in-question to my lab.

phreddy wrote:

Although your QVMD scale is interesting, I prefer the market-based method.  Japanese men determine the value of used panties based on preferred degree of moistness and stain distribution.

Don't get me wrong, those techniques have worked for centuries, and are fine for casual analysis, but they are entirely qualitative and thus inappropriate for mass merchandising. The beauty of QVMD is that it allows soiled-panty packagers to grade and price used panties on a reliable quantitative scale for retail, wholesale, point-of-purchase, vending machines, etc. I'm also creating a quantitative vaginal scent index (QVSI), but I need more lasers and stuff.