If a tree doesn't fall in a forest, it doesn't make a sound and no one will hear it even if they are around to hear it.

Me

"Anyone can pretend to be serious, but you can't pretend to be witty."

"Most people get paid not to think... and for good reason."

"Teach a man to fish and he'll still vote for the guy that gives him a fish."

"'Vegetarian' is an ancient derogatory term for an idiot who couldn't fish or hunt."

"If you toss your tie over your shoulder at the urinal, either your tie is too long or your d*ck is too short."

"I always make sure I live in a neighborhood with the champagne socialists. No one is better at keeping the riffraff out."

"If you have a job where you have to wear a nametag, nobody gives a shit what your name is."

- Goldman Sachs elevator

Alright, y'all asked for it. Here's my rando-tagline file from the middle 80s

It's a poor workman who blames his tools.
A good pun is its own reword.
Fan mail from some flounder?
When the ship lifts all debts are paid.
Specialization is for insects.
Drowned my sorrows, lil' suckers learned to swim!
Don't wake up grouchy -- let HER sleep.
Don't hate yourself in the morning, sleep til noon.
War is menstruation envy!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
Design flaws travel in groups.
What's the higher octave of sexndrugsnrocknroll?
Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.
Life's not worth much if you can't insult your friends.
All men are equal, some just stick out more.
Nietzche is pietzche, but Sartre is smartre.
Baroque: When you are out of Monet!
Dyslexic Christian sells soul to Santa. Film at 11
Ask me about my vow of silence!
Madness takes its toll, please have exact change.
(((YOU)))(((ARE)))(((FEELING)))(((SLEEPY)))
Your karma ran over my dogma.
On average, everyone has one testicle.
If at first you don't succeed, avoid skydiving.
If at first you don't succeed, work for Microsoft.
I'm not as think as you stoned I am.
That was Zen; this is Tao.
Some unwind after work; I unravel.
Eat right, exercise and die anyway.
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
I'm not half so drunk as some tinkle peep I am...
Interfaced my cat to my radio, got only hiss.
We all gotta pick the white man's cotton.
Censors shall inhibit the Earth.
Every time I've built character, I've regretted it
Vet & Taxidermy-Either way, you get your cat back!
Ankh if you love Isis.
Another deadline, another miracle.
Another smooth escape disguised as a dramatic exit
Weird alone ain't enough.
Famous last words: Let 'em eat dry food!
Freelance. Per word, per story... perhaps.
Do it! Forgiveness comes easier than regret.
The noise in my head bother you?
Drinking kills brain cells, but just the weak ones
Gypsy dwarf escapes jail: small medium at large.
Home Safety Tip for Men #52: Don't iron naked.
I always wear real fur. Cats sleep on the laundry.
I left my tart in Aunt Fran's Crisco.
Torture a statistic long enough, it will confess.
Eat the rich! The poor are tough & stringy.
Please note the mistletoe on my coattail.
Fathers & sons compete; mothers devour daughters.
Dragged thru hell by the ankles...
Purity of heart is to will one thing.
Write with the learned; pronounce with the vulgar.
What's fascism Daddy? *smack* Shut up kid!
Our other node is a tin can.
Politics, the systematic organization of hatred.
We make it fresh every hour!
Pink & Purple Cruise Ships Collide! All Marooned!
We've upped our standards. Up yours! -Pat Paulsen
There's no one of us as smart as all of us.
She was Snow White but she drifted.
bumpersticker forth love if honk then ;
Diplomacy: Saying nice doggy till you find a rock.
Boys stone frogs for fun; frogs die in earnest.
Freedom of the press belongs to those who own one.
Want worship? Go to India and moo.
Hard 2 drain the swamp up 2 yer ass in alligators.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays now.
A person without a navel lives within all of us.
A hen is an egg's way of making another egg.
Learning makes us fit company for ourselves.
Where are those flashbacks they promised me?
Don't worry, I'm fluent in weirdo.
Do right: Gratify some and annoy the rest.
Inspire someone to learn, teaching is impossible.
Worry is the interest paid on trouble in advance.
Art is a lie that makes us realize the truth.
Think much, speak little, and write less.
All clowns are masked, personae flow from choices
Theater holds a mirror to a keyhole.
To know others' miseries, know their pleasures.
An atheist has no invisible means of support.
Beware the opinion of someone with no facts.
Want to hide your face? Walk naked.
Tabloid: A newspaper with a permanent crime wave.
We put our profits in prison. Charlie Manson
Call me insane again, I'll eat your other eye.
Ho, hum... another day in paradise.