#1 2008-01-15 07:16:09
Like a petite wife to anal sex,
I've been ass-fucked so much with Law and Order on television
that I've managed to convince myself that
it not only does not hurt,
but I actually enjoy doing it.
Most everyone else must be in the same boat as I,
because there's hardly a moment when CSI/Law and Order isn't on.
I'll set my vibrating butt plug to match Sam Waterson's tremolo
and stroke it to that week/season's female lead,
of course saving my crescendo for the jury verdict.
Confession: when it's "not guilty," I never cum as hard.
Confession #2: Sometimes I imagine a fictional Law and Order: Appeals
where Sam gets tripped up on a technicality
and the case must be re-tried.
In that instance, I return my self-victory to its home using a modified turkey baster,
then re-watch the episode,
convincing myself that this is trial #2,
and there will be no further appeal.
When that guilty verdict comes down a second time,
what a release.
What. A. Release.
It always feels a little better when I yell "Justice!" just as I climax.
I mean, to think -- the very fundament of our society,
bursting forth from me in orgasmic excitement.
From me!
As you might imagine, given the number of shows,
this takes a lot out of me each day.
I like to ensure proper performance
by inundating myself with Oreo Cakesters,
chased with alternating mouthfuls of
Evian and half-and-half.
How is it that I have time for all of this?
I'm on permanent disability.
NEVER combine constituent components of the Bedazzler with the Badge-a-Minit.
They are not designed to work together.
And that good idea you had to quickly and easily make jewel-studded buttons
will lead to your severe and permanent injury. 'Nuff said.
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#2 2008-01-15 07:17:29
All poetry is bad poetry.
[EDIT]...and just to clarify my stance on this: while I do believe that all poetry is genuinely bad, I did enjoy this particular scrap of verse. It reminded me somewhat of the less pretentious beat poets, if any of them had written about TV instead of fucking morphine whores.
Last edited by jesusluvspegging (2008-01-15 12:38:54)
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#3 2008-01-15 07:38:23
Kinda reminds me of this little tidbit that popped into my head one day, when I was wondering who the sick son of a bitch was that came up with the idea for Law and Order: Special Victims Unit:
I saw a murder tonight.
It wasn't the first. I've seen rapes, murders, assaults, kidnappings...you name it. I've been witness as children recounted their molestations and watched as women shot their husbands in the head. I've stood stupefied as men beat their wives. I've seen serial killers and serial rapists in action and children killing their own mothers. I've seen the most horrible, heinous acts of man acted out night after night for my benefit, and I should be running from these horrible visions. I should be a wreck, but I enjoy watching SVU.
I've been watching Law and Order: Special Victims Unit for a while now, and I really like it. My TiVo ensures that I don't miss a heart-pounding minute. I watch as the detectives chase rapists, murderers, and kidnappers in 50-inch plasma splendor, and I'm entertained. The writing is good, the characters are engaging, and the bad guys are evil enough that you love hating them. I especially love it when the bad guy forces their hand, so that the good guy has no choice but to shoot him dead in the end. I mean, let's face it; what's worse than a rapist, and who doesn't feel good about seeing them get theirs? In the blue light of my TV, and in the safety of my home, I lay back on my couch and enjoy watching TV people get violated for my amusement.
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#4 2008-01-15 08:18:57
Law and Order: Appeals
Don't give Dick Wolf any ideas, for heaven's sake.
Although actually, that could be kinda awesome...
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#6 2008-01-15 09:52:56
Ahh... nothing like a little eloquent early morning poetry to get you started.
I think they should rename USA to "The Law & Order Channel".
Oh, and I hear Christopher Melloni has a big penis.
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#7 2008-01-15 12:05:33
jesusluvspegging wrote:
All poetry is bad poetry.
I think KTB (BTK backward?) is referring to the hooplah over this. Those poor, poor Christians are being oppressed by Dick Wolf again. I saw the episode in question, and was really quite pleased with it. It took them what, a whole week into the midseason to drop another gay subplot? They've always handled GLBT characters and issues thoughtfully.
tojo2000 wrote:
Also, no discussion of Law and Order is complete without this reference.
Brilliant. I can't believe it's not on YouTube. I shall put it there immediately. I want it for the L&O thread on my site.
Roger_That wrote:
Oh, and I hear Christopher Melloni has a big penis.
If the endless [flaccid] screencaps of "OZ" are anything to go by, then it appears entirely average. I'm sure you know some guys are growers. Amusingly enough, he played a character he'd probably be arresting on L&O:SVU.
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#8 2008-01-15 12:26:05
First time that I actually saw someone get shot in the head I thought, "Fuck, it is nothing like in the movies" There was no blood spraying everywhere or brain matter flying around - nothing like that. It still haunts me, really.
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#9 2008-01-15 12:37:15
kim wrote:
First time that I actually saw someone get shot in the head I thought, "Fuck, it is nothing like in the movies"
The first time? Is this a regular occurrence with you? Do you see people "get shot in the head", or people who have been shot in the head? There is a bit of a difference. Maybe you're a closet gang banger.
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#10 2008-01-15 13:03:36
Kim,
Is that what happens when you go to collect and the person isn't ready to pay up?
That's quite a step up from breaking kneecaps.
RT
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#11 2008-01-15 13:19:49
Roger_That wrote:
Oh, and I hear Christopher Melloni has a big penis.
Ah, yes. He was one of the major reasons I used to watch Oz so faithfully, besides the strong writing and compelling story lines, of course.
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#12 2008-01-15 13:22:11
Roger_That wrote:
Kim,
Is that what happens when you go to collect and the person isn't ready to pay up?
That's quite a step up from breaking kneecaps.
RT
I have a whole new image of you, Kim...
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#13 2008-01-15 13:55:52
Roger_That wrote:
Oh, and I hear Christopher Melloni has a big penis.
Thank you for that thought. I hope it is true...
Didn't he used to be in Oz? A lot of the cast of Oz whipped it out at one point or another--Did Meloni ever whip it out?
[edit] Aleph, just read your post--screencaps or GTFO.
Last edited by George Orr (2008-01-15 13:58:40)
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#15 2008-01-15 14:47:42
Yeah, there are naked photos (that obviously pENIx has beat me too). It looks decent enough.
I really doubt they're gonna let him show his poker upright on cable even...
But we can dream...
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#16 2008-01-15 15:00:27
Roger_That wrote:
can dream...
Fags and their hags.
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#17 2008-01-15 15:04:55
Did you just call me a fag hag?
Grumpy old man.
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#18 2008-01-15 15:20:57
I don't do the fag hag thing, but - hell - I'd go out for a drink with RT anytime.
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#19 2008-01-15 15:23:54
Roger_That, hang tough.
You know you can.
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#20 2008-01-15 15:46:00
Heh. I think fag hags are atrocious. Get your own sense of style, stop ripping off the homos!
I come with my own flamboyant characteristics anyhow.
Taint, drinks...one day. Should I be nearby...
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#21 2008-01-15 15:52:18
tojo2000 wrote:
Also, no discussion of Law and Order is complete without this reference.
Or this one, of course.
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#22 2008-01-15 16:30:11
Oh man, I 'm sending the BF a cheesy card. heh. Talk about teh ghey.
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#23 2008-01-15 17:57:18
Roger_That wrote:
Heh. I think fag hags are atrocious. Get your own sense of style, stop ripping off the homos!
Would that it were so simple, dear. "Brokeback marriages" are, like, so three years ago.
Speaking of drinks with people, I wonder if Dirckman ever got his accommodations settled. Having a Super Bowl here is almost like Fleet Week back in NYC. Twice the testosterone and half the repression.
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#24 2008-01-15 18:36:46
pALEPHx wrote:
Gawd, yer lazy.
There is no peen to be seen on that stupid search results page. Talk about lazy.
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#26 2008-01-15 19:05:32
That was mighty neighborly of you, and I appreciate it. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to update my desktop image...
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#27 2008-01-15 21:52:08
Fap fap fap fap fap....
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#29 2008-01-16 01:15:07
Lurker wrote:
Damn, reminded again, even fags have bad taste.....no pun intended....
He's not my taste, douchepuddle. Who the hell crapped in your Prada bag this evening?
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#30 2008-01-16 07:31:41
God damn it, can't we get any girl on girl action going here?!
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#33 2008-01-16 16:05:31
Better?
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#34 2008-01-16 21:07:06
Taint wrote:
Or, maybe this is a little more to your taste? Girl fights, bitch slapping, and some hot dominatrix action.
Here's some more queens, just itchin' for a rumble...
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#35 2008-01-16 21:33:02
whosasailorthen wrote:
Taint wrote:
Or, maybe this is a little more to your taste? Girl fights, bitch slapping, and some hot dominatrix action.
Here's some more queens, just itchin' for a rumble...
*vomit*
West Side is such utter crap. I enjoy theater. I work in theaters (backstage stuff). West Side is pure defecation. Also Grease and Cats.
Last edited by jesusluvspegging (2008-01-16 21:33:31)
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