Hmm. Hate...and spinach latkes! Almost makes me wanna join to tell them how much Jews love latkes. We can bond!

sofaking wrote:

pALEPHx wrote:

Hmm. Hate...and spinach latkes! Almost makes me wanna join to tell them how much Jews love latkes. We can bond!

Mr. Sofie hates latkes. And lamb.

Some Jew he turned out to be.


Oh, and that barbeque sounds reeeeeaaaallllly good, Jesus. I'll be over around 5.

Wear your heels.

I make barbeque that's mediocre at best, but one thing that's always stuck in my craw is why people keep ruining perfectly good ribs by slathering them in BBQ sauce?  Give me a good dry rub any day.

I'd always just thought I didn't like ribs until I was in Hanover, Germany for work.  I was traveling with a complete asshole who I eventually threatened to throw out of a window (the only time I think I've seriously threatened to hurt someone badly to their face in my life).  The trip was basically 12-16 hours a day in a closet or a cubicle hooking up and configuring computers, and I barely got to see much of Europe, but that one day in Hanover we happened to notice a biergarten across the street from our hotel.  We wandered over and I had no idea how to speak German so I pointed at one of the few things on the menu and ordered a giant pitcher of beer.

The heaping plate of ribs and frosty glass mug of beer that I ended up with sitting under the trees on the darkly lit wooden benches made it worth almost committing homicide on a short Vietnamese asshole with a superiority complex in a foreign country.  Definitely the most pleasant surprise of the trip, and it made me realize that I love ribs.  I just don't like them covered in barbecue sauce.

tojo2000 wrote:

I just don't like them covered in barbecue sauce.

That heavy, sticky barbeque sauce that is the hallmark of the Kansas City rib is goddamned blasphemous.

headkicker_girl wrote:

jesusluvspegging wrote:

tojo2000 wrote:

I just don't like them covered in barbecue sauce.

That heavy, sticky barbeque sauce that is the hallmark of the Kansas City rib is goddamned blasphemous.

I agree.  Give me a good dry rub anyday.  Sauce is for people who don't know how to season.

Well, I use an ultra-thin sauce (called a "mop") that serves mostly to moisten, but most of the flavor came from the dry rub.

I ended up steaming those ribs for two hours, then smoking them for three.  They really could have used another hour or so of smoking, honestly, but they turned out pretty damned tender and fucking hellaciously tasty.

Now participate you fucking wankers.  Give Uncle Jesus some God Damned recipes.

Last edited by jesusluvspegging (2008-06-07 23:44:28)

George Orr wrote:

jesusluvspegging wrote:

Give Uncle Jesus some God Damned recipes.

The following is transcribed from Husband™'s gawdawful handwriting on a heavily stained and somewhat burned scrap of old notebook paper.  It is a recipe for a very fine North Carolina-style sauce (thin, or "mop" if you like) that is good for chicken or pulled pork.  Ribs, I dunno.  I don't really like ribs.

(All portions are approximate.)
1c cider vinegar

You had me at cider vinegar.  it's the best vinegar for barbequeueing purposes.

Korean Beef Wraps

I can't take credit for these recipes--they're from Raichlen's Barbecue Bible.  I will tell you this: the meal created is irresistible, and very easy in proportion to the enjoyment created.

Start with Korean Sesame Salt:

3 tbsp white sesame seeds
1 tbsp black sesame seeds
2 tbsp coarse (kosher or sea) salt
2 tsp cracked black peppercorns
1 tsp hot red pepper flakes

1.  Place the white sesame seeds in a dry skillet and cook over medium heat, shaking the pan to ensure even cooking, until toasted and lightly browned, about 3 minutes.  Transfer to a bowl and let cool.
2.  Stir in the black sesame seeds, salt, pepper, and pepper flakes.  Can be stored in an airtight jar away from heat and light for up to six months.
Makes about 1/3 cup; enough for 3 pounds of meat or seafood.

Take any boneless beef steak--I've had excellent results with round steaks and London broil--and rub with the sesame salt mix.  You can do this right before you throw it on the grill, but I prefer to do it ahead of time to really let the flavors work themselves into the meat.  Get the grill ready: a fast heat (high setting on a gas grill, or very close to the coals for wood/charcoal) works best.

Start preparing white rice, enough for each diner to have 1 cup cooked.

Oil the grill and cook the beef.  Move the meat around to keep it from catching fire, but DO NOT flip it more than once, you round-eyed barbarian.  When the meat is cooked to your satisfaction, remove from the grill and let set up while you prepare the dipping sauce:

Asian Pear Dipping Sauce

1/2 cup soy sauce
1/2 cup sake or dry sherry
1/4 cup sugar (can substitute Splenda if preparing for diabetics)
1 small Asian pear, peeled, cored, and finely chopped
4 scallions, both white and green parts, trimmed and finely chopped
1/4 cup finely chopped onion
2 tablespoons sesame seeds, toasted

Combine all the ingredients in a medium-size bowl and stir until thoroughly mixed and the sugar is dissolved.  Divide the sauce among as many bowls as there are people, so each person has his own for dipping, and serve immediately.

Slice the meat thinly, at an angle, and pile on a platter.  Set out a cup of cooked white rice at each place.  Divide Bibb lettuce leaves among guests and invite them to put a slice of meat with some rice in each lettuce leaf, dip into sauce, and eat.  Have lots of napkins available.

I prefer baby-backs, but this works with spare ribs, country style and beef.  Prepare the rub the day before, rub down the ribs and leave set over-night.  Clean and prep enough trout filets to feed everyone.  Place hickory chips in bucket-o-water to soak over night.

Prep smoker (8am), steady bed of coals place wood chips in small water-filled metal bowl directly above coals.  Open first beer.

As soon as you have a steady column of smoke gently shake extra rub off of the ribs and place ribs in charcoal smoker; collect extra rub in sauce pan, add tomato sauce, heavy ale and diced garlic - set to simmer.  Drink second beer.

Do NOT open smoker, continue to feed two or three chunks of charcoal at a time, replace wood chips when completely charred.  Turn ribs every hour at most.  Drink another beer.

11 am - place trout on upper rack in smoker - leave for 15~30 minutes.  Eat trout for lunch.  Drink another beer.

2:30pm fire up the charcoal grill:  start garlic cloves and onions, add corn 10 minutes later. Drink another beer.

3pm - Remove ribs and serve with corn, spring onions and garlic cloves.  BBQ sauce on the side for the unpure ones.

4pm - drink more beer, pass out in lazy boy.

The Rub:

1 cup brown sugar
1 tbl spoon garlic powder
2 tbl spoon coleman's dry mustard
1 tbl spoon pepper
1 tspn ancho chili pepper
1 tbls spoon paprika
1 tspn cumin
2 tspn Cayenne
1 tbl spoon chopped parsely
Salt if desired

Emmeran wrote:

Ketchup and worcestershire sauce??  you may as well eat at McDonalds . . .

They're very small amounts.  Don't ask me how or why it works; it just works.  It's delicious.

jesusluvspegging wrote:

If you have a vacuum pump laying around.

I prefer to keep my sex life and my food preparation separated

jesusluvspegging wrote:

I recommend vacuum sealing your wood chips in a bowl of water instead of doing the overnight soak thing.  The water gets pulled into the wood, and your chips are soaked in an hour instead of in several.

The Food Saver is a barbeque chef's friend.

I understand your recommendation - but what else am I supposed to be doing while I drink my beer?

Holy shit, first the "let's bond" thread and now recipes? RECIPES??? What's next? Favorite gospel tunes?:)

Laughing....g'nite, you sweet boy.

Unfortunately I've misplaced my recipe for jerk seasoning, I'm pretty sure I know how to make it, but I'd have to actually do it to figure out proportions.

Tojo, that's fucking hilarious-you do mean that lame seventies "why don't we..steal away" song? Hilarious. Wouldn't that be a great cover for like, the Cramps or something?