Princess Biscuit=Ninja Assasin

Get a proxy server.

Register at that nazi-blog someone linked to (headkicker girls boyfriend or something) as the person you don't like. Be sure and fill in the details (real name, address, whatever) on your viewable profile. Then start posting about how you love dark meat or whatever is offensive to those types... get creative!!!!

Whatever you do, think it through. She's not really getting her comeuppance if you're getting your ass took every night of a three year bid upstate in prison.

Ever watch football? Ever notice that the guy that starts shit never gets the penalty--it's always the guy that retaliates?

fnord wrote:

Did you spawn with this woman?  Sue for full custody; of course this means you need the house for your crotchfruit to live in.  Try to have visitation denied or even have her parental rights terminated on the basis that she is an unfit parent.  Financial irresponsibility and keeping a dog that bites should provide adequate grounds.  Don’t bother with trying to get child support because you are unlikely to receive it and it would give her a pretext for visitation.  Even if you are sure the kids are yours, humiliate her with paternity testing just for the hell of it.  If it turns out the kids are not yours, have your name removed from their birth records and force a sale of the home so she has to raise her children on the street or place them in foster care.  I recommend you find a vicious divorce attorney who hates women and has a reputation for ruining their lives on behalf of their former partners.

Get a good tax attorney to convince the IRS that they shouldn’t hold you responsible for the 60K.  Contact the main credit agencies and place a statement in your file with your side of the story.  Consider making a statement on behalf of the person suing her; double check with your attorney before doing this.  Let her female friends know she can’t be trusted and is financially desperate; they will take appropriate steps to protect themselves.

Agree on the IRS, but not on the kids. A vicious divorce drastically increases your chances of being a grandfather before you hit 40. Or, at least the proud parent of a butane addict. They don't make bumper stickers for that.

ah297900 wrote:

fnord wrote:

Did you spawn with this woman?  Sue for full custody; of course this means you need the house for your crotchfruit to live in.  Try to have visitation denied or even have her parental rights terminated on the basis that she is an unfit parent.  Financial irresponsibility and keeping a dog that bites should provide adequate grounds.  Don’t bother with trying to get child support because you are unlikely to receive it and it would give her a pretext for visitation.  Even if you are sure the kids are yours, humiliate her with paternity testing just for the hell of it.  If it turns out the kids are not yours, have your name removed from their birth records and force a sale of the home so she has to raise her children on the street or place them in foster care.  I recommend you find a vicious divorce attorney who hates women and has a reputation for ruining their lives on behalf of their former partners.

Get a good tax attorney to convince the IRS that they shouldn’t hold you responsible for the 60K.  Contact the main credit agencies and place a statement in your file with your side of the story.  Consider making a statement on behalf of the person suing her; double check with your attorney before doing this.  Let her female friends know she can’t be trusted and is financially desperate; they will take appropriate steps to protect themselves.

Agree on the IRS, but not on the kids. A vicious divorce drastically increases your chances of being a grandfather before you hit 40. Or, at least the proud parent of a butane addict. They don't make bumper stickers for that.

This woman is a pathological liar and deadbeat who is about to stick him with 100k in debt.  You don’t play nice with someone like this and try to sever the connection with as little damage as possible.  If children are involved, you tell them upfront there are messed up people in this world and their egg donor is one of them.  Use her as a negative example of how not to run one’s life, with a no holds barred explanation of the consequences of fucking people over.  Children turn out better when the facts about life are not sugarcoated or hidden from them.

ah297900 wrote:

I was just saying that if there's long, drawn out drama between the parents, their young issue have a way of soaking that up, internalizing it, and then becoming fucked up emo kids in 10 years. If the connection is severed, your way works, but if there's some kind of shared custody with open hostility between the two, the issue then start developing some momentum toward crazy.

If you'd stop and think about it for more than a quarter of a second, ah127561,2534, then you'd realize that either way the kids are going to end up with Bitchy McSpendySlut or MatTrissStain as their primary caregiver.  The brats are fucked one way or the other, so he might as well try to minimize the damage.

Besides, this way when the crotchspawn go all emo and kill themselves it's all her fault.

Last edited by jesusluvspegging (2008-08-21 21:16:52)

whiskytangofoxtrot wrote:

Go over to "her" house with a good lawn fertilizer.  Put the fertilizer in a shoulder bag with a hole in the bottom, then draw a pattern on the lawn...something cool, like a swastika, "I [heart] Horse Cock," or the like.  Water it in real good.  The pattern will appear, thicker and darker than the rest of the grass, and will not go away, no matter how much she mows, for at least 3 months or so.  My neighbor's lawn still kinda says "I [heart] dick" from when he went all aggressive alcoholic on me 2 years ago.

Or you can just use diesel and it'll kill the grass dead and it'll be a long time before anything else grows there.

ah297900 wrote:

They don't make bumper stickers for that.

jesusluvspegging wrote:

whiskytangofoxtrot wrote:

Go over to "her" house with a good lawn fertilizer.  Put the fertilizer in a shoulder bag with a hole in the bottom, then draw a pattern on the lawn...something cool, like a swastika, "I [heart] Horse Cock," or the like.  Water it in real good.  The pattern will appear, thicker and darker than the rest of the grass, and will not go away, no matter how much she mows, for at least 3 months or so.  My neighbor's lawn still kinda says "I [heart] dick" from when he went all aggressive alcoholic on me 2 years ago.

Or you can just use diesel and it'll kill the grass dead and it'll be a long time before anything else grows there.

Yeah, but that's "illeagle".  We still want the schlub who buys the place after she leaves to be able to grow something after merely roto-tilling, right?

How about inviting the friendly local Jehovah's Testicles?

whiskytangofoxtrot wrote:

Go over to "her" house with a good lawn fertilizer.  Put the fertilizer in a shoulder bag with a hole in the bottom, then draw a pattern on the lawn...something cool, like a swastika, "I [heart] Horse Cock," or the like.  Water it in real good.  The pattern will appear, thicker and darker than the rest of the grass, and will not go away, no matter how much she mows, for at least 3 months or so.  My neighbor's lawn still kinda says "I [heart] dick" from when he went all aggressive alcoholic on me 2 years ago.

Disclaimer: This post is for satirical purposes only. Do not attempt anything written in this post or by this poster on the internet. Ptah1313 is also only to be used for satirical purposes only. Do not attempt to do anything Ptah1313 says! Especially not in the United States! (feel free to attempt if in France, though). Ptah1313 is a registered trademark of Fleshbat Inc, a fully-owned subsidiary of Taintorama Enterprises.

Even better. Buy total vegetation killer , which lasts about a year. They will have to dig up the area and use turf to replace the symbol or word of your choice. I always think, "pedophile lives here" is a great phrase for this prank, but to each his (or her) own...

Also, go ahead and spend the bucks and get the big container with the hose and the pump. That way you can quickly spray your message (usually in a pretty thick font) and be gone.

Edit: Sorry to hat the "spray fuel" post.. didn't get that far... With my way, though, you can put on some painters threads and a hat and do this in broad daylight and look like you are just the lawn person. Of course you want to wear some dark womens base makeup, a fake oversized mustache and a sombrero to avoid being picked out in a line-up.

Last edited by ptah13 (2008-08-22 01:04:49)

ptah13 wrote:

Zookeeper wrote:

OK, the first thing you do is state your intent (to do her harm) on a web site that every human being with an Internet connection can find and read.  Give as many details about her and your situation as you can think of so that anyone who knows either of you will realize who the post is about.  Wait... you've already done that.  OK, check!

Next thing you do is take the nastiest advice you get on the site and be sure to publicly thank the person who gave you the advice.  That way when you get sued/arrested somebody else can be included in the fun.  Be sure to post EXACTLY what you did to her in as much detail as possible.  Make sure you use precise phrases that will make it easy for anyone Googling said atrocity to find your posts through a simple search (example key phrase: "raped her with a cactus").

Repeat as needed.

hehehehe

Indeed. 

Better, yet, post some silly-ass bogus situation on said website and watch everyone jump to your call like your own little nutpuppets.  Sit back and watch - you don't even need to post a reply or involve yourself in the conversation!

Last edited by whosasailorthen (2008-08-22 22:36:01)

MattTriss wrote:

Just spent the day in court with my soon to be Ex. She has been living at the house we bought together a few years ago. I Had a few surprises like ; she owes 10 months morgage , run up 60 k in IRS bills with a business she ran as a D/B/A under her (and leagall still my) name, add an other couple of grand in utilities that she promied to take out of my name (suprise .. she never did) , she is being sued cause her pitbull bit somone.

Here is my plea - I have been reading your posts since the site was called Cruel. I know you people can help  me devise an Evil plan for revenge. Would like to keep it leagle, but, I am open to suggestions.

Fuck you.  Hire an attorney.  If you have an attorney, keep on top of your shit.  We all got problems here.  What the fuck makes yours so special?

orangeplus wrote:

Who is this guy and when did he get "buddies" here?

Seriously tho, there is no revenge unless blood is shed. Does she have cats? Here's what you do. Go to here house, lock the doors up and put up hand written signs saying "Hi Everybody! I just met this faboulous guy from Canada named Wilbur, we're taking off to Vegas to get Married! Jesse is taking care of the cats, I'll fill all of you in on all the delicious details when I get back!!!!" Use lots of exclamation marks, it screams authenticity. And don't worry every woman has a friend named Jesse that no one else knows. Now, lock her in the house tied up and lying on the floor, be sure and gag her really well, we don't want her crying for help now, do we? DON'T LEAVE ANY FOOD FOR THE CATS. This is critical. Sooner or later the cats will start feeding on her by now very weak body. When someone finally gets around to entering the house they'll see what happened and the fact that the cats ate her and a Canadian is responsible will completely draw any attention away from you. Don't bother with fake tears or anything, try for afronted dignity since she was fucking around. It's easier to pull off offended than actually sad. Be sure and find a good home for the cats. I cannot abide anyone who mistreats cats.

This.  This right here.

headkicker_girl wrote:

Fuck you.  Hire an attorney.  If you have an attorney, keep on top of your shit.  We all got problems here.  What the fuck makes yours so special?

scsotdc@yahoo.com if you please.

MattTriss wrote:

Thanks Gang ... I knew I could cunt .... I mean count on you

HAHAHHAHAHAH OH GOD HE'S SO FUCKING CLEVER.  OH SWEET MESUS!

Bigcat wrote:

I have a great plan for you. Take a handfull of Darvon and wash them down with a bottle of Jack. The guilt will kill her too.

Dude, he's totally on there. She'll never smile again.

headkicker_girl wrote:

Bigcat wrote:

I have a great plan for you. Take a handfull of Darvon and wash them down with a bottle of Jack. The guilt will kill her too.

I would recommend this option as well.  As one who has a ex-husband, I can tell you how choked up and totally devastated I'd be if he did something like this.  Dude, you should totally do it.  It's really the only way to get back at her in a meaningful way.

Gosh, Headkick. I've never seen your soft, vulnerable side before. I'm deeply moved.

pALEPHx wrote:

MattTriss wrote:

Thanks Gang ... I knew I could cunt .... I mean count on you

Well, did you really expect it to be so easy as for us to enable you by saying "Just shoot the bitch?" Sorry, wrong number. You two thankfully haven't bred (and hopefully, since you made no mention of progeny beyond the pit bull, which really suits you, it does...). If this were to be any less complicated than "Get a better lawyer than she does," then it would practically write itself. Think about it this way: If you can afford $500/hr now then this will mean thousands in your pocket, this time next year. It's really as simple as that. If you're honestly turning to the decrepit denizens of a website where you have no rep or tenure, then we hope the bitch money-rapes your ass until it bleeds.

Have a nice day.

So how is that job going, Pale?

You know, matt, as a longtime fan of suicide, I have to say you should fucking do it.  What do you have to live for that's so great anyway?  You're obviously not anyone of any kind of rigorous intelligence (as exhibited by your fucking grammar, bitch), so your prospects can't be that good, can they?

Hanging would be the most romantic method.  Here is how you do it.  You will need a length of rope and a hammer. 

A note upon choice of rope: anything will do.  You can get 500 feet of goddamned nylon parachute cord for six bucks, and that stuff will certainly do the job.  I, however, suggest you spring for a nice, thick piece of hemp or manilla rope.  Something with nice, coarse natural fibers.  A strong, manly rope of no less than 5/8" diameter and no more than inch.  If you go with, like, a two or three inch rope, you run the risk of the rope's inferior bending radius and the diameter of your fucking ignorant head fucking you over and making you an "almost" suicide.  You don't want to be that guy, believe me.

Do you know how to tie a hangman's noose?  It's the only knot I remember from Boy Scouts.  If you don't know how to tie a noose, DON'T PANIC.  The internet has your back.

It's a fairly simple knot, really.

Now, find yourself a good doorway and beat the fucking shit out of the drywall over your door using the hammer.  Once you have a good hole over the door header (the piece of wood just over the doorway), you can pass the other end of your rope on through and tie yourself off.  Tie the noose off as high as you can, as a doorway is only six feet and eight inches, plus a bit for the header. 

Slip the noose over your neck, gently, and snug the slack out of it.  You may need to stand or kneel on a chair or short stool to comfortably do this.  It's important, at this stage, for you to be comfortable. 

This is the part where you will learn if you are a Man:

If you want to be real hardcore about it, go buy two pairs of handcuffs.  Kneel on a chair or stool and slip the noose over your neck.  Snug the knot down and place it just behind one ear.  Now cuff your left wrist to your right heel and your right wrist to your left heel.  Now, by bucking your abdomen, you can kick the chair over and hang yourself to death.  That'll teach that bitch.  That'll teach everyone.

Last edited by jesusluvspegging (2008-08-23 05:33:26)

Taint wrote:

jesusluvspegging wrote:

It's a fairly simple knot, really.

Didn't I see that in Good Housekeeping?

Once.   Only once.

MattTriss wrote:

Just spent the day in court with my soon to be Ex. She has been living at the house we bought together a few years ago. I Had a few surprises like ; she owes 10 months morgage , run up 60 k in IRS bills with a business she ran as a D/B/A under her (and leagall still my) name, add an other couple of grand in utilities that she promied to take out of my name (suprise .. she never did) , she is being sued cause her pitbull bit somone.

Here is my plea - I have been reading your posts since the site was called Cruel. I know you people can help  me devise an Evil plan for revenge. Would like to keep it leagle, but, I am open to suggestions.

Maybe have a tranny ram you in the ass and send her the pics...she'll see how far you'll go if challenged then.

Scotty wrote:

No no, with her tranny cock I mean.

Last edited by fortinbras (2008-08-23 15:27:02)

jesusluvspegging wrote:

You know, matt, as a longtime fan of suicide, I have to say you should fucking do it.  What do you have to live for that's so great anyway?  You're obviously not anyone of any kind of rigorous intelligence (as exhibited by your fucking grammar, bitch), so your prospects can't be that good, can they?

Hanging would be the most romantic method.  Here is how you do it.  You will need a length of rope and a hammer. 

A note upon choice of rope: anything will do.  You can get 500 feet of goddamned nylon parachute cord for six bucks, and that stuff will certainly do the job.  I, however, suggest you spring for a nice, thick piece of hemp or manilla rope.  Something with nice, coarse natural fibers.  A strong, manly rope of no less than 5/8" diameter and no more than inch.  If you go with, like, a two or three inch rope, you run the risk of the rope's inferior bending radius and the diameter of your fucking ignorant head fucking you over and making you an "almost" suicide.  You don't want to be that guy, believe me.

Do you know how to tie a hangman's noose?  It's the only knot I remember from Boy Scouts.  If you don't know how to tie a noose, DON'T PANIC.  The internet has your back.

Link to YouTube page

It's a fairly simple knot, really.

Now, find yourself a good doorway and beat the fucking shit out of the drywall over your door using the hammer.  Once you have a good hole over the door header (the piece of wood just over the doorway), you can pass the other end of your rope on through and tie yourself off.  Tie the noose off as high as you can, as a doorway is only six feet and eight inches, plus a bit for the header. 

Slip the noose over your neck, gently, and snug the slack out of it.  You may need to stand or kneel on a chair or short stool to comfortably do this.  It's important, at this stage, for you to be comfortable. 

This is the part where you will learn if you are a Man:

If you want to be real hardcore about it, go buy two pairs of handcuffs.  Kneel on a chair or stool and slip the noose over your neck.  Snug the knot down and place it just behind one ear.  Now cuff your left wrist to your right heel and your right wrist to your left heel.  Now, by bucking your abdomen, you can kick the chair over and hang yourself to death.  That'll teach that bitch.  That'll teach everyone.

Also , before you do this call her and tell her to come over and get a check you wrote out to her. Then pin the check to your shirt before you do the deed.